2007

I can't believe it's over.

It's been the strangest year yet. When it began, I was freshly graduated and moved back to Tulsa against all better judgment, where I had no idea what I would do or how I would make friends.

In 2007, I...

• started the year off in a hotel room with some of my friends who had taken it upon themselves to take a VACATION to Tulsa of all places. I'd just spent 6 hours in the Portland airport coming home from my roommate's wedding.
  
• fell in love.
  
• got engaged to the love of my life!!
  
• lost 30 lbs and changed my lifestyle significantly. Still losing!
  
• went from barely being able to run a mile to running 9 miles in the Tulsa Run!
• started my first real big girl job.
• started my second real big girl job.
• changed career paths 3 times and tried to go back to school when I was still burnt out. Bad idea!
• visited oregon and south padre island.
• was introduced to The Ragamuffin Gospel.
  

So, let's recap.

In 2007, God was wonderful:

In a single year, my career aspirations went from making bank with a job that I hate, to starting at scratch schooling for physical therapy, to romanticizing a technical writing position that was basically a glorified data entry job, to where I am now in a job I have grown to love. Jobless to job I love because JT had a friend who had a friend.

In a single year, I picked up The Ragamuffin Gospel because it was recommended by an anointed artist, the late Rich Mullins. Instead of being guilty about my shortcomings and trying to make up for them with selfish motives, the author Brennan Manning showed me how God gives us permission to be free from sin and embrace it, not as imperfection but as a picture of grace and redemption. Because I picked up one CD that told me to read a book, I see God's love in an entirely different light, and what the book says about the Bible is right: true love and relationship free from rules and guilt has transforming powers!

In a single year, my steel determination to focus on a career and stay AWAY from men was forgotten for a man who is so good to me, makes me laugh everyday, and inspires me to grow individually. My fiance's example has gently challenged me to improve my habits, my attitude, and my appreciation for life not because he demands it from me, but because he inspires me and has finally led me to believe that I am worth being the best I can be. Because some friends randomly moved to Tulsa, I went from not knowing how I was going to meet someone to a woman months away from her wedding day.

As I look at where I am now compared to where I was on 01.01.07, I choose to recognize God's hand and His power to change a life and set of circumstances in a minute.

1110

Planning a wedding has been crazy, to say the least.

But it's been a little over three weeks and we have a church, a reception place, pastors, a caterer, a photographer, a dress, bridesmaids dresses, a florist, a band, musicians for the ceremony, candelabras, a place to make our cake, centerpieces almost figured out, and probably more.

And we have each other.

I am incredibly blessed every day to have JT in my life. He's kind and spontaneous and considerate and strong and passionate and bold and smart. He's a student of life, an artist, an athlete, a wonderful friend, and he's mine. He's not the man I have always dreamed of; he's proof that God knows our hearts and has better for us than ever could have imagined.

I can't wait to be his wife.

Until then, it will be busy busy busy as we try to merge our family traditions and tastes and opinions on everything. Our alone time has become more precious. Moments seem stolen and that much more sweet.

My mother, on the other hand, is full speed and million miles a minute as far as wedding talk goes. I don't think I've had a conversation with her that doesn't revolve around the wedding. That can be exhausting. We did find the most amazing candelabras today at a little florist shop. They are wrought iron, very reminiscent of the medieval/gothic period, and have intentional flaws that give them character.

Alone time and girl time has been lacking. I am kicking Project LGN into full force again. I am going to be one hott, buff bride if I have anything to say about it. My abs are certainly saying something about it today. Ughh!

So I am hanging on. Things at work have been crazy, but we're hiring two new people on Monday, so my job will get a lot easier. I'll have a more appropriate workload, anyway. You have no idea how relieved I am.

My goal, sometime in the near future, is to make it a habit to get up at least an hour early. That way I can exercise and pray and write and spend time by myself to gather my wits and strength to face another day. One thing I have learned is that sometimes being awake in a leisurely, relaxed frame of mind can be loads better than sleep for the sake of energy and sanity and peace.

Procrastinating

Once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator.

It's ridiculous!

Things at work have been hectic lately. I'm taking off Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of next week to attend my mom's big happy Mexican family reunion at South Padre. JT will be in attendance. That must mean we're in it for the long haul! He is wonderful.

We're also going on a minitrip to Dallas with my dad to his uncle's 80th birthday this weekend. Tomorrow's my daddy's birthday, too! He will be 47, but I don't think he's a day older than he was when I was born. He has aged well, if you can even call it that! He also tore ligaments in his ankle because he goes to work way too early in the dark. He's okay, though.

Anyway, my boss is implementing this new time infrastructure, which I am super pumped about. We have divided the responsibilities and given each one an alloted amount of time. You have no idea how excited I am. I thrive in systems. Give me a system or a deadline, and I might procrastinate, but I will find some way to get the job done.

The only tricky thing is adjusting. With less than a week to prepare, I'm not caught up. If I were completely caught up, I could hit the ground running and crank out press releases and booksignings all day. Plus, I'll only be there two days next week. I am going to attempt to accomplish five days' of work in two. We'll see. I'm very lucky that they let me take "vacation" this early--even if they do want me to check my email at the beach.

See, you can still procrastinate even when you're not in school. I'm supposed to be working on a few stray press releases, but I was so stressed today at work that I went to Old Navy and splurged on some clothes. It was my first clothing purchase in a very long time! Then I went with JT to Mimi's and we took our friend a shirt that says "My Daddy's Dreamy and so am I!" because he just found out he and his wife are having a girl :) I think I'm ready now........

........To start press releases, not to have a girl!

WHOA.

Oh, and by the way, when I went shopping tonight, I bought clothes a size smaller! And they FIT!

I love my job

Just got snapped at by 700 Club producer.

You know, the national Christian TV show?

Did I mention how much I love my job?

No, really!

Pride and Purpose

The past couple of days, I've been having the postgraduate blues. I worked my entire life to prepare myself for the "real world," built a nice resume of work experience and academic achievements that probably dove into a shredder half of the places it went.

Now I'm back on the bottom with no predictable timetable, no light at the end of the tunnel. I am not a college student, but society doesn't see me as or treat me like an adult. My work treats me well, even if I juggle everyone else's scrap work with my own. It's just lonely being the only "young'un" here. Keep in mind, I do understand that everyone has to go through this.

Am I where I should be, or at least on track to fulfilling my dreams? Let's see, I've dreamed of being a marine biologist, a geneticist, an English teacher, a famous writer, a physical therapist. All of those things can still be mine, but when I try something, when I choose a particular path and feel like God is leading me there, it always dead-ends or takes a turn that's too sharp for me to follow.

I do have one very realistic dream. I want to start a magazine for young women. Girls who are in my position right now, whether they are in school or out of school. Anyone who wants to feel they are not alone in wondering if they're growing up the right way. The magazine will have different sections: fashion tips, cooking advice, biblical devotionals, a place for readers to express themselves through art/poetry/fiction, health challenges, columns about current events, advice about lots of things girls don't know about like investing and saving money and how not to get shortchanged at the mechanic's shop.

The magazine will have some kind of emphasis on being the Bride of Christ and growing into a godly woman. I want to help young women have the confidence that comes from knowing they are beautiful and prized and cared for by God.

I picture going to a cute little office with dark chocolate furniture and white accents. There are stacks of papers and photographs on the top corners of my desk, a little Mac laptop with layout spreads open in the middle. My office door is open and I can hear the girls I work with typing and laughing at the coffee bar. There's an assembly of couches and cushions in the middle of all of our offices where we have coffee, chat, read or edit, and talk about our next issues. This is a very realistic dream, as I said.

After my flop with physical therapy, after finding out that what I thought I knew I wanted wasn't what I wanted after all, I am hesitant to pursue something else. Do I go to grad school for print journalism production? Do I start freelance editing? Do I write articles and build a resume? I have writing classes -- they were my favorite in college -- I have some editing experience, but we all know what lines on a resume do for you.

I am peaceful about where I am right now. I feel like I am in the right place right now and my next step is out of my control. I know there's something more, and that God will lead us there, but it's just not time yet. What I wonder is how I can be happy with this little life I am building today and prepare for the future without living in it.

?

Ponytail Syndrome

Two things I have discovered while working at Key:

1) I am (still) horrible at writing titles for articles. Of course, I knew this from Newspaper Practicum, but I'm still awful!
2) AP Style is a pain. Every time I have to delete the final comma in a series, I cringe.
3) I like subjective writing much more.

JT is coming home soon and I was supposed to get a whole lot more finished. I should have read all of Captivating so we could switch. He dutifully read Wild at Heart on the BEACH when he wasn't working. (SO jealous.) I should have organized my entire room and done laundry. Didn't get done. I sacrificed ME time for OTHER PEOPLE time all week.

I felt like I didn't have the chance to stop all week, until last night, that is. I didn't do anything last night between work and when I was supposed to meet someone for coffee. But there's a difference between relaxing and not doing anything. My nothingness was NOT relaxing because I was plagued by all that I had to do. That ranks in the top ten of worst feelings, right next to lying awake when you're too hot, restless or tired to fall asleep.

Wish I could read at work. I'm not doing anything productive anyway. Maybe when everyone goes home, I'll be able to. I brought a book just in case. Depending on when JT gets into town, I am going to go to the beauty shop and buy a new dress after work. Hopefully his flight doesn't get in until 10ish so I'll actually have time to do that. I'm excited about getting rid of this Ponytail Syndrome once and for all!

Todd Packer

A man just called my office, asking for my boss:

Man: "Yes...may I speak to...(pauses, as if checking paper) Boss?"
LB: "Sure, may I tell him who's calling?"
Man: "This is Bill from the STD Center. He called our center for Sexually Transmitted Diseases."
LB: "?. Okay, let me transfer you."

I then heard my boss laughing loudly in the background, fake-scolding his friend for tricking me. I shook my head, thinking vaguely about The Office. The Boss's wife told me about the man. His name? Andy from Special Sales.

So now I have a Phyllis and an Andy. Perhaps our Andy is more like Todd Packer.

Growing Up and other things...

I've had a very productive couple of days. Last weekend was spent in Oklahoma City where I got to see ACE and other friends from college. One of my friends, we'll call her Sevans, started working at this company in OKC called Chesapeake. It's the largest independent energy supplier or something crazy like that. Anyway, they have the most amazing employee benefits package I have ever heard. First of all, they have their own workout facility that offers five different lunchtime classes like Latin Salsa Dancing, circuit training, pilates, etc. Their employees are given free stock. Sevans' is valued at $9000 right now and grows everyday. They have wonderful incentives, including bonuses for good health reports and fitness challenges. That's the way a company should be run, so if I ever have the means and resources to create an incentives package, I will do so accordingly.

Today my tooth broke. It didn't hurt, though. It was actually a popped filling, but it was enough to scare me for two reasons. 1) Are my teeth really that brittle?, and 2) I don't have health insurance right now (!!!). We'll find out more about that later, but under the gun, I checked into health insurances and found out a bunch of things. First, I was looking into a Healthcare Savings Account, which you deposit money into and it takes your premium and other medical expenses out of it. All of this is TAX DEDUCTIBLE! After talking to my dad, we're checking into COBRA, which means that I'm allowed an individual account under his company's healthcare. We'll see how they pan out, but at least I know my options!

While I deposited my check (HOORAY PAYDAY!) I also set up a meeting with a financial rep at Bank of Oklahoma to set up my ROTH and savings CDs. Keep in mind that for insurance and savings and Roth and IRA, I have no idea. I took the required Business, Economics and Society class in college, but I was too busy talking or sleeping or something. This is a completely different language for me. It makes me appreciate having parents and a boyfriend who know what they are doing and can help me. As much as I try conducting my own research, this stuff is too important to mess up just because of my pride!

Work has been going well. We've been getting a lot of media hits for our authors. My supervisor has been giving me rave reviews. I'm glad that I can help. As far as my desire to freelance edit and write, I have been given new motivation. When I first started job hunting, I mentioned a contact who owns a good Christian publishing company here. He didn't have any jobs, but referred me to a woman who runs this editing business and a ministry. She agreed to have lunch with me soon, so I am excited about that.

Looks like I am finally becoming important and busy, but I am still just little old me. I have to admit...I can't wait until JT gets back from his business trip! Two more days, hopefully!

Business is Business

I took my first business trip yesterday. All five of us on staff at Key loaded into my boss's Expedition and we were off. Granted, it was only two hours away in Mustang, Oklahoma, but it was nice to get away.

We went to visit our biggest client, Tate Publishing, which generates some 52% of our revenue. I got to see some of the books I'm working with, including a trip to the printing plant, where I got to see books sorted, bound, and trimmed. For an avid reader and writer, it was very interesting. And apparently JT knows two people that work there, so if we ever move to the Mustang or Norman area, I might have a sweet hook-up for a job!

Probably the best part of the trip -- and this is so inappropriate -- was when the founder of the company -- a man in his sixties, or so -- interrupted the meeting to show us the book "that finally put Tate on the map." He turned it around to reveal a book written like a children's picture book yet was a complete mockery of illegal immigration by Mexicans. It was called "No Papers," if that kind of sets things up. This man in his pressed suit then proceeded to read, in full Mexican accent, the story of Papi and Nino's quest to get "across the border, illegally" and six people in business clothes around a business roundtable were crying laughing, despite how off-color it was.

It was obviously rejected, but Tate is still going to print it for the author, just have no official affiliation. The author is apparently a rich, educated businessman who wrote it simply to make a statement. I want to get him a publicity package so I can try to get him on the Colbert Report or Jay Leno or something. They'd like something like that! Hey, I am Mexican myself and I was laughing!

"Papi and Nino lived in prosperity -- across the border -- illegally." That is what I will think of every time.

I'm taking a mini-weekend away! Just to Oklahoma City. One of my BFFs is going back to school in Chicago, so I'm going to stay with her before she leaves me again.

But for now, I am the only one in the office. Three of the employees are family, and they took a trip to Branson. The other works from home on Fridays. I asked if I could work from home, but no dice. So I brought some books and fun things to keep myself entertained, but when I got to the office, I had an e-mail waiting for me with a list of tasks to complete.

Ughhh.

I hate scheduling book signings. They are one girl's responsibility, but she has been so backed up that I've had to do some of them. Everyone says the bookstore staff is used to people calling to pimp books, but I don't like it one bit. People are generally cordial, but I've never had a successful call. It's just unpleasant to call a Borders or Barnes and Noble, tell them about a Christian book that a local author wrote, and try to get their support for it.

Oh well. I shall press on.

Horrors

Monday + morning = disaster.

Today's Monday morning lasted all through the afternoon and shows no sign of letting up to this very minute (5:24 p.m.). I was swamped. The phone and fax were ringing off the hook, every project I started was interrupted, and I didn't have time to break for lunch. Do not worry; I ate, but it wasn't until 3 in the afternoon. The three hours past normal lunch break were excruciating. JT was unsympathetic. I told him I hoped his physical therapist tortured him today, but I was half kidding.

I was so emaciated that my purity ring somehow managed to slide off my finger. HORRORS! What are people going to think? No, it is probably lost in the swamp I sometimes like to call desk. It's kind of a good feeling, though, seriously. Not to know that my finger was once that size, but to know that I've worked hard for those thirty pounds. I may not be able to tell the difference in the mirror, but my missing ring tells the tale beautifully.

Oh, I got paid.

Ummmm...

the end.

Double Wham

Ugh...it's not even 9 a.m. yet and I'm already having a bad day at work. I sent out a press release about an author using the wrong title for his book. It was wrong on the book signing communique I received from another girl in our office. I feel bad because it was already sent out, the author will be offended that we didn't get the title right, but I also want to blame it on the person who got it wrong to begin with. Still, I should have taken the extra time to open his file and double check the title. At least now I know not to trust the people who have been working here longer than I have.

::edit:: I explained the situation to my boss and her wrath is now
directed to the person who sent me the false communique. My day is saved! Plus,
I got to go out to lunch with the boyfriend. He called and said he was coming to
see me up here on the 48th floor. He, and the Honey Bunny sandwich from the Ripe
Tomato, for that matter, are wonderful!

Potter

It's been awhile since I posted and the end of an era has since occurred. As of Sunday morning, July 22, around 5:45 a.m., I will never read another fresh page of Harry Potter again. All I'll say is: the series was good to me and couldn't have ended on a different note. There are things I would have done differently, but in the end, I knew that's the way they had to unfold. Part of me hopes she'll pick up her pen for the story of Harry's parents or the new generation of Hogwarts students that was briefly hinted in the epilogue. (Now you know that someone lived and procreated, but my lips are sealed about the rest!)

In other news, my second week at my new job is nearly complete. I'm getting the hang of things slowly but surely, and have only made one not-so-dire error that was fixed and only scarred my pride. It will be even better when I get my first paycheck! Is it bad that I'm not entirely sure when that will be or how that system works?

I need to find editing work.

A Story in Three Acts

1) I just returned to Oklahoma from a much-needed vacation to Oregon. I got to stay with my lovely roommate from college and her hubby. It was absolutely gorgeous! We hiked this waterfall, hung out in this quaint little wind surfing town, ate at a German restaurant, and visited the world's largest bookstore. Having my beau there made it all the more wonderful. I swear I am getting more crazy about him every day! For my mother's sake I will clarify that we did not "shack up" during this visit; rather, we stayed in a real parsonage with real pastors. You'll see pictures within the next couple of days of the whole visit.

Air travel was another adventure in itself. (You can read about my last trip to Portland here.) We were flying standby and didn't have a single problem the way there. On the four-hour flight to Dallas, JT gave me his seat but ended up on the flight anyway. He did not have the same luck on the Dallas to Tulsa flight. And so my heart broke as he gave up his seat for me and I left him in Dallas at eleven o-clock with a dead phone, a dead iPod, and a broken ankle. What a good man.

2) The story takes a different tangent now. I was upset because the one time I leave Oklahoma, my grandparents (the Mexicans who live 14 hours away) announced they were coming to visit with two hours' notice. We quickly tried to figure out a way for them to meet my boyfriend because it's rare that they come into town since my grandma had a stroke last year. Since he sacrificed his seat for me, that dashed all hope. As I picked up our baggage, still feeling horrible for leaving him, he calls me from a strange cell phone revealing he was renting a car with a fellow stranded passenger who was around his age. They would pick up their luggage at my house when they arrived in Tulsa four hours later. I must have been quite a sight dragging three heavy, heavy suitcases to the airport parking garage. It was almost one-thirty when I finally got home, put their suitcases on the doorstep and tried to get things in order for my first day at work the next morning.

It took about an hour to clean up a shattered root beer bottle (we brought back his favorite, which Oklahoma doesn't stock: so typical) and the strawberry jam we bought for my parents (which conveniently ruined my clothes). Around 3:30, my mom wakes up the entire household, including my grandparents. It was the first time I'd seen them this year, so hugs and kisses were in order, despite the hour. Then, when my mom finally turned off the lights at 4:00 in the morning, who should she see but JT and the passenger on the front door step. So at 4:00 in the morning, fate intervened and allowed an important meeting to occur!

3) My first day on the job is almost over. While I still don't have a good feel for my work yet, I am optimistic that things will work out as they always do. The people I work with are great! It's about a five-minute drive from my house and I don't have to be to work until 9 AND I still get an hour lunch break, so I am definitely a happy camper! It's a salary position so no more time sheets! Hooray! I have my own office with my own nameplate already. There's a free running track up here and workout center, as well. I'm VERY excited about that.

Be prepared for pictures so beautiful you won't know what to do with yourself.

The Switch

Beginning of the week news:

1) I quit my job at The Tank.
2) I accepted the job with Key.
3) JT blew out his ankle in his soccer game and I almost broke.
4) It has been wonderful getting to take care of him. Don't get me wrong, it's hard to see him hurting, but I very much appreciate that he lets me take care of him.

I'm at work for Day One of my two-week notice. It's not hostile. I just stay plugged into my headphones and no one really pays me any mind. Things have been busy, busy, busy. I realized, last Friday when I quit, that this job makes me brain-dead. The switch was for the best.