2007

I can't believe it's over.

It's been the strangest year yet. When it began, I was freshly graduated and moved back to Tulsa against all better judgment, where I had no idea what I would do or how I would make friends.

In 2007, I...

• started the year off in a hotel room with some of my friends who had taken it upon themselves to take a VACATION to Tulsa of all places. I'd just spent 6 hours in the Portland airport coming home from my roommate's wedding.
  
• fell in love.
  
• got engaged to the love of my life!!
  
• lost 30 lbs and changed my lifestyle significantly. Still losing!
  
• went from barely being able to run a mile to running 9 miles in the Tulsa Run!
• started my first real big girl job.
• started my second real big girl job.
• changed career paths 3 times and tried to go back to school when I was still burnt out. Bad idea!
• visited oregon and south padre island.
• was introduced to The Ragamuffin Gospel.
  

So, let's recap.

In 2007, God was wonderful:

In a single year, my career aspirations went from making bank with a job that I hate, to starting at scratch schooling for physical therapy, to romanticizing a technical writing position that was basically a glorified data entry job, to where I am now in a job I have grown to love. Jobless to job I love because JT had a friend who had a friend.

In a single year, I picked up The Ragamuffin Gospel because it was recommended by an anointed artist, the late Rich Mullins. Instead of being guilty about my shortcomings and trying to make up for them with selfish motives, the author Brennan Manning showed me how God gives us permission to be free from sin and embrace it, not as imperfection but as a picture of grace and redemption. Because I picked up one CD that told me to read a book, I see God's love in an entirely different light, and what the book says about the Bible is right: true love and relationship free from rules and guilt has transforming powers!

In a single year, my steel determination to focus on a career and stay AWAY from men was forgotten for a man who is so good to me, makes me laugh everyday, and inspires me to grow individually. My fiance's example has gently challenged me to improve my habits, my attitude, and my appreciation for life not because he demands it from me, but because he inspires me and has finally led me to believe that I am worth being the best I can be. Because some friends randomly moved to Tulsa, I went from not knowing how I was going to meet someone to a woman months away from her wedding day.

As I look at where I am now compared to where I was on 01.01.07, I choose to recognize God's hand and His power to change a life and set of circumstances in a minute.

Ragamuffin Gospel, Part 3

Chapter 7-11 Quotes:

"The dichotomy between what we say and what we do is so pervasive in the church and in society that we actually come to believe our illusions and rationalizations and clutch them to our hearts like favorite teddy bears."

"In order to free the captive, one must name the captivity."

"I have fallen victim to what T.S. Eliot calls the greatest sin: to do the right thing for the wrong reason."

"The spiritual future for the ragamuffins consists not in disavowing that we are sinners but in accepting that truth with growing clarity, rejoicing in God's incredible longing to rescue us in spite of everything."

"We acknowledge that what makes a man righteous is not obedience to the Law, but faith in Jesus Christ." (Galatians 2:16)

"The way we are with each other is the truest test of our faith. How I treat a brother or sister from day to day, how I react to the sin-scarred wino on the street, how I respond to interruptions from people I dislike, how I deal with normal people in their normal confusion on a normal day may be a better indication of my reverence for life than the antiabortion sticker on the bumper of my car."

"Honesty brings an end to pretense through a candid acknowledgment of our fragile humanity. It is always unpleasant, and usually painful, and that is why I am not very good at it. But to stand in the truth before God and one another has a unique reward. It is the reward which a sense of reality always brings."

"Honesty before God requires the most fundamental risk of faith we can take: the risk that God is good, that God does love us unconditionally. It is in taking this risk that we rediscover our dignity. To bring the truth of ourselves, just as we are, to God, is the most dignified thing we can do in this life."

"In love there can be no fear, but fear is driven out by perfect love, because fear is to expect punishment, and anyone who is afraid is still imperfect in love." (I John 4:18)

"Freedom in Christ produces a healthy independence from peer pressure, people-pleasing, and the bondage of human respect. The tyranny of public opinion can manipulate our lives."

"In Christ Jesus freedom from fear empowers us to let go of the desire to appear good, so that we can move freely in the mystery of who we really are."

"For most of us, it takes a long time for the Spirit of freedom to cleanse us of the subtle urges to be admired for our studied goodness. It requires a strong sense of our redeemed selves to pass up the opportunity to appear graceful and good to other persons."

"Living by grace inspires a growing consciousness that I am what I am in the sight of Jesus and nothing more. It is His approval that counts. Making our home in Jesus, as He makes His in us, leads to creative listening."

"The call asks, do you really accept the message that God is head over heels in love with you. I believe that question is the core of our ability to mature and grow spiritually. If in our hearts we don't believe that God loves us as we are, if we are still tainted by the lie that we can go do something to make God love us more, we are rejecting the message of the cross."

"Faith means you want God and want to want nothing else...To be Christian, faith has to be new, that is, alive and growing."

"I could more easily contain Niagara Falls in a tea cup than I can comprehend the wild, uncontainable love of God."

"If we believe in the exciting message of Jesus, if we hope in vindication, we must love, and even more, we must run the risk of being loved."

"God wants us back even more than we could possibly want to be back."

"The nature of God's love for us is outrageous. Why doesn't this God of ours display some taste and discretion in dealing with us?...No, the love of our God isn't dignified at all, and apparently that's the way He expects our love to be. Not only does He require that we accept His inexplicable, embarrassing kind of love, but once we've accepted it, He expects us to behave the same way with others."

"I am being told anew in the unmistakable language of love, 'I am with you, I am for you, I am in you, I expect more failure from you than you expect from yourself.'"

"Most of us spend considerable time putting off things we should be doing or would like to do or we want to do -- but are afraid to do. We are afraid of failure...Each of us pays a heavy price for our fear of falling flat on our face. It assures the progressive narrowing of our personalities and prevents exploration and experimentation. As we get older we do only the things we do well."

"The Christian with depth is the person who has failed and who has learned to live with it."

"What the man of God longs for in shepherds -- daring enough to be different, humble enough to make mistakes, wild enough to be burnt in the fire of love, real enough to make others see how phony we are."

"The ragamuffin who sees his life as a voyage of discovery and runs the risk of failure has a better feel for faithfulness than the timid man who hides behind the law and never finds out who he is at all."

"The secret of the mystery is: God is always greater. No matter how great we think Him to be, His love is always greater."

Random Fact #1-2

I used to think "subtle" was spelled "scuttle."

I learned most of my intermediate words from Anne of Green Gables, which I read from cover to cover when I was four years old.

Guess that's more like three facts, huh.

Still not fulfilling my pact of posting about substance, but I'll get there.

Not now. I'm in the middle of Wild at Heart, chapter 3. JT's reading Captivating right now, and so far, I am pathetically behind. (They are counterpart Christian books about the male and female soul, respectively. We switched off a couple of weeks ago.)

Speaking of Christian books, my next post will summarize the next portion of Ragamuffin Gospel. It's the most powerful book I have ever read. I finished it a couple of months ago, actually, after two long years of putting it off. It's that good, ladies and gents.

Potter

It's been awhile since I posted and the end of an era has since occurred. As of Sunday morning, July 22, around 5:45 a.m., I will never read another fresh page of Harry Potter again. All I'll say is: the series was good to me and couldn't have ended on a different note. There are things I would have done differently, but in the end, I knew that's the way they had to unfold. Part of me hopes she'll pick up her pen for the story of Harry's parents or the new generation of Hogwarts students that was briefly hinted in the epilogue. (Now you know that someone lived and procreated, but my lips are sealed about the rest!)

In other news, my second week at my new job is nearly complete. I'm getting the hang of things slowly but surely, and have only made one not-so-dire error that was fixed and only scarred my pride. It will be even better when I get my first paycheck! Is it bad that I'm not entirely sure when that will be or how that system works?

I need to find editing work.

Ragamuffin Gospel, part 2

Chapter 4-6 Quotes:

"The blood of the Lamb points to the truth of grace: what we cannot do for ourselves, God has done for us. On the cross, somehow, some way, Christ bore our sins, took our place, died for us."

"The foremost characteristic of living by grace is trust in the redeeming work of Jesus Christ."

"In love there can be no fear, for fear is driven out by perfect love. Fear has to do with punishment and anyone who is afraid is still imperfect in love" (I John 4:18).

"The gospel of grace calls us to sing of the everyday mystery of intimacy with God instead of always seeking for miracles or visions. It calls us to sing of the spiritual roots of such commonplace experiences as falling in love, telling the truth, raising a child, teaching a class, forgiving each other after we have hurt each other, standing together in the bad weather of life, of surprise and sexuality, and the radiance of existence."

"Our world is saturated with grace, and the lurking presence of God is revealed not only in spirit but in matter -- in a deer leaping across a meadow, in the flight of an eagle, in fire and water, in a rainbow after a summer storm, in a gentle doe streaking through a forest, in Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, in a child licking a chocolate ice cream cone, in a woman with windblown hair. God intended for us to discover his loving presence in the world around us."

"Human love will always be a faint shadow of God's love. Not because it is too sugary or sentimental but simply because it can never compare from whence it comes. Human love with all its passion and emotion is a thin echo of the passion/emotion love of Yahweh."

"These sinners...are the people who appreciate His goodness: they are parading into the kingdom before you: for they have what you lack -- a deep gratitude for God's love and deep wonder at His mercy."

"Grace tells us that we are accepted just as we are. We may not be the kind of people we want to be, we may be a long way from our goals, we may have more failures than achievements, we may not be wealthy or powerful or spiritual, we may not even be happy, but we are nonetheless accepted by God, held in his hands. Such is his promise to us in Jesus Christ, a promise we can trust."

"When Jesus said, 'Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy burdened...' Jesus knew that following Him was as unsentimental as duty, as demanding as love. He knew that physical pain, the loss of loved ones, failure, loneliness, rejection, abandonment, and betrayal would sap our spirits; that the day would come when faith would no longer offer any drive, reassurance or comfort; that prayer would lack any sense of reality or progress; that we would echo the cry of Teresa of Avila: 'Lord, if this is the way you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few!'"

"Just as the sunrise of faith requires the sunset of our former unbelief, so the dawn of trust requires letting go of out craving spiritual consolations and tangible reassurances...when the craving for reassurances is stifled, trust happens."

"Yes, we feel guilt over sins, but healthy guilt is one which acknowledges the wrong done and feels remorse, but then is free to embrace the forgiveness that has been offered. Healthy guilt focuses on the realization that all has been forgiven, the wrong has been redeemed."

"A sad Christian is a phony Christian and a guilty Christian is no Christian at all." -- Joe Reia

"More pleasing to me than all your prayers, works, and penances is that you would believe I love you" -- the word of the Lord to Marjory Kempe.

"Only love empowers the leap in trust, the courage to risk everything on Jesus, the readiness to move into the darkness guided only by a pillar of fire. Trust clings to the belief that whatever happens in our lives is designed to teach us holiness."

"Abba I abandon myself into your hands. Do with me what you will. Whatever you may do, I thank you. I am ready for all: I accept all. Let your will be done in me and in all your creatures. I wish no more than this, O Lord. Into your hands I commend my spirit. I offer it to you with all the love of my heart, for I love you, Lord, and I give myself, surrender myself into your hands without reserve, with boundless confidence, for you are my Father." -- Charles Foucauld

"Quite simply, our deep gratitude for Jesus Christ is manifested neither in being chaste, honest, sober and respectable, nor in church-going, Bible-toting and Psalm-singing, but in our deep and delicate respect for one another."

"To evangelize a person is to say to him or her: you, too, are loved by God in the Lord Jesus. And not only to say it but to really think it and relate it to the man or woman so they can sense it. This is what it means to announce the Good News. But that becomes possible only by offering the person your friendship; a friendship that is real, unselfish, without condescension, full of confidence, and profound esteem."

The Ragamuffin Gospel

Today I decided to read through my favorite book, The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. It focuses on salvation as something humans cannot attain, but as a free gift from God through His grace alone and denied to no one, not even the ragamuffins, or the "poor in spirit;" those who have nothing significant to their names but the grace of God. Here are my favorite quotes from the first three chapters:

"When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspiscious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer" (26).

"...we have been given so much: eyes to see and hands to touch, a mind to shape ideas, and a heart to beat with love. We have the power to believe where others deny, to hope where others despair, to love where others hurt. This and so much more is sheer gift; it is not reward for our faithfulness, our generous disposition, or our heroic life of prayer. Even our fidelity is a gift"
(27).

"In essence, there is only one thing God asks of us -- that we be men and women of prayer, people who live close to God, people for whom God is everything and for whom God is enough. That is the root of peace. We have that peace when the gracious God is all we seek. When we start seeking something besides Him, we lose it" (46).

"The gospel portrait of Jesus is that of a person who cherished life and especially other people as loving gifts from the Father's hand" (61).

"Perhaps the real dichotomy in the Christian community today is not between conservatives and liberals or creationists and evolutionists but between the awake and the asleep" (70).

II Corinthians 12:9 - "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."