2007

I can't believe it's over.

It's been the strangest year yet. When it began, I was freshly graduated and moved back to Tulsa against all better judgment, where I had no idea what I would do or how I would make friends.

In 2007, I...

• started the year off in a hotel room with some of my friends who had taken it upon themselves to take a VACATION to Tulsa of all places. I'd just spent 6 hours in the Portland airport coming home from my roommate's wedding.
  
• fell in love.
  
• got engaged to the love of my life!!
  
• lost 30 lbs and changed my lifestyle significantly. Still losing!
  
• went from barely being able to run a mile to running 9 miles in the Tulsa Run!
• started my first real big girl job.
• started my second real big girl job.
• changed career paths 3 times and tried to go back to school when I was still burnt out. Bad idea!
• visited oregon and south padre island.
• was introduced to The Ragamuffin Gospel.
  

So, let's recap.

In 2007, God was wonderful:

In a single year, my career aspirations went from making bank with a job that I hate, to starting at scratch schooling for physical therapy, to romanticizing a technical writing position that was basically a glorified data entry job, to where I am now in a job I have grown to love. Jobless to job I love because JT had a friend who had a friend.

In a single year, I picked up The Ragamuffin Gospel because it was recommended by an anointed artist, the late Rich Mullins. Instead of being guilty about my shortcomings and trying to make up for them with selfish motives, the author Brennan Manning showed me how God gives us permission to be free from sin and embrace it, not as imperfection but as a picture of grace and redemption. Because I picked up one CD that told me to read a book, I see God's love in an entirely different light, and what the book says about the Bible is right: true love and relationship free from rules and guilt has transforming powers!

In a single year, my steel determination to focus on a career and stay AWAY from men was forgotten for a man who is so good to me, makes me laugh everyday, and inspires me to grow individually. My fiance's example has gently challenged me to improve my habits, my attitude, and my appreciation for life not because he demands it from me, but because he inspires me and has finally led me to believe that I am worth being the best I can be. Because some friends randomly moved to Tulsa, I went from not knowing how I was going to meet someone to a woman months away from her wedding day.

As I look at where I am now compared to where I was on 01.01.07, I choose to recognize God's hand and His power to change a life and set of circumstances in a minute.

Festering

I have been sick since Monday with strep throat. This is the worst case I've ever had, though. On Monday, I recorded my temperature at 103.8 degrees. My tonsils are swollen. My throat is flaming red. I can't swallow without nearly crying. My neck can't be touched and it can barely hold my head up. I've had the worst pressure headache I've ever had. Monday the joints in my back ached so much it made it impossible to stand or sit in a straight position. By Tuesday, every swallow made my stomach feel more sick, and that feeling continues today. Every night, I wake up every hour, on the hour. So you can see, my life hasn't been a picnic lately.

Today, my boyfriend is leaving for three weeks. He's going on one last road trip with one of his best friends whom he is also moving to Washington State. They are going skiing in Vail, camping in Utah, and lots of things I can't remember. They might even be staying with my Roommate's family in Hood River, Oregon, which I am thrilled about! He came to visit me twice last week even though I was on the verge of death and he still likes me even though I looked, smelled, and sounded horrible. He is so wonderful. He took care of me!

Well this sickness forced me to miss all of my classes this week. I am pretty much done anyway. I don't think I have enough energy to catch up in my classes. No mental fortitude. I'm going to start looking for jobs as soon as I get better and don't sound like a little fat kid anymore haha. I am back to the drawing board, pretty much, and it's going to take the Lord to open up the doors for me.

Normal

What to blog about:

1) I told off an internet "acquaintance" who asked me to text him after maybe two messages and STILL gave me drama. How do these people find me?
2) My e-mail inbox now proudly boasts an invitation to an adult kickball league in Tulsa.
3) There are three majors tests/quizzes next week. Are all teachers prescribed to the same curricular rubric?
4) A girl in my night class told me about a job opening at a local hospital in the next couple of months. It would give me excellent PT experience, but I'd be working almost full time and taking classes at night. It's nice to have an option, but I think this is impossible if I want to go to PT school by Fall '08.
5) Lab Partner and I were the last to finish again today. We are slow but accurate and learn a lot as we go along. He asked me if I was a Christian tonight. He said he asks everyone and why, because every once in awhile he comes across one and just wants to make sure. "It's tough love," he tells the people who are combative about it.

There. Now I've told you about lots of new things that are happening in my life and I still don't feel guilty for blogging while I should be studying. I know this stuff anyway.

Oh, just after I clicked "Publish" I thought about something that's been on my mind lately. When I think of being a physical therapist, I steer toward the athletic rehabilitation, of course. But another image comes through my mind.

I picture babies and toddlers, born with congenital spinal and developmental disorders. They need back or leg braces, walkers, or crutches, because without them they can't support their own weight or center of gravity. I can picture them smiling and laughing because they don't know anything's wrong. Their instincts aren't enough; nature doesn't teach children how to walk with prosthetics and orthotics. I want to help them more than anything.

Maybe this is the idealism every person going into the health care field experiences. I realize that it won't be like this. I will have parents, loved ones, old people yelling at me. People will be injured, debilitated, frustrated. But it will be worth it to me, and this is the greatest motivation in the world.

Apprehensive

My Anatomy professor seems a bitter and jaded woman. She made her views about the health care system quite clear with a series of blunt blows toward the nursing students in class. I am going to love her.

The people at this school intimidate me, or at least the very vocal people do. I've gone to Christian schools my entire life and consider myself a spiritual person, but I've never encountered people who are so openly passionate about their religion, or at least the ones I've known were on five-minute spiritual highs on a roller coaster with a broken track. I'm not saying this spiritual flamboyancy is a bad thing; it's just easy to be wary of this charisma and its genuineness.

I made a friend in class. She is a French Ed major, and I'm trying to talk her into keeping the class because it'll be ten times more interesting than any other lame natural science class. We discussed our lack of science background compared to the other students in the class, but I reassured her that she has the best prerequisite: a human body. Plus she has me, an English major, so she won't be alone!

It's hard getting into the swing of things. I haven't really begun to work as hard as I'll need to, and both of my labs were canceled this week, so the terror of being in two labs at once hasn't taken full effect. I haven't taken the chemistry test yet, so I need to study for that and do lots of reading tonight.

There's a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I can't interpret it. Is it because I'm doing the wrong thing? Am I scared of the reality that's going to kick in any moment now? Both of my professors noted that A's are scarcely rewarded in their classes, so it could be that.

Two new things have surfaced to keep me on my feet. For one, my mom scheduled me with a vocal instructor last night. It was so last minute, but ended up being really fun. We worked on one of my favorite songs, "On My Own" from Les Miserables, and it was wonderful to sing with accompaniment. We also went through some Disney songs a la "He's a Tramp," and selections from Beauty and the Beast.

Also, I am observing the St. Francis physical therapy wing all day next Tuesday, so that will be an interesting experience. We'll see what happens yet.

Chemically-challenged

First day of chemistry and I've already come across a snag: a required placement exam.

Apparently, if I don't pass this exam, I'll have to take calculus or some other pansy class before I can take Chem I. This is a huge problem. For one, I haven't taken calculus or trig or algebra or chemistry since high school, which was four years ago. I know that it will all come back to me once I'm in a classroom setting, but unfortunately if I don't pass this exam, PT school next fall might become PT school in two years because Chem I is a prerequisite for some of my other classes, and if I get behind this early, who knows what will happen.

I am going to study the first couple of chapters and take the test tomorrow or Friday. Maybe, by the grace of God, some handsome chemist will save me from my plight.

Fat chance.

NotReady in Tulsa

Tomorrow begins my journey to physical therapy school. It will be a long sixteen months, but I think I can handle it.

I suppose you're wondering what possessed this English major to change ships. Did I wake up one morning and say, "Hmmm...today I think I'll try to be a physical therapist"? No.

The health care industry has interested me for a long time. Part of me has always blocked it out of my mind and possibility because a) my dad's encouraged it for so long and b) because I am afraid of failure. PT school is certainly a poor man's version of med school, but it's quite logically the better fit for me. Less time, less money, less pressure with all of the benefits I want in a job.

As a physical therapist, I'll be able to help people. Essentially, I can control situations better when my goal is to serve people not gain their money and favor like so many of the jobs I had considered.

If you think about it, half of the jobs in the market involve manipulating people. Sales, law, public relations, tax things, finance. It's about attracting, maintaining, and capitalizing. Healthcare is the only safe option because people will always need it. There will always be old Betty Lous that fall and break their hips and need physical therapists to teach them to survive again. Independence is the key to vitality when you're old. After you lose that, the will to live slowly ebbs away.

It's not going to be easy. I have no expectations of the same grades I saw during my English career. But I come willing to fight. It will be messy, probably even bloody, and plenty embarrassing. I will try to keep a straight face.

If I've been dangling over the Waters to Come since graduation, tomorrow's the day it all begins. Say hello to an erratic and difficult semester of Anatomy and Chemistry and their respective labs. Nothing can prepare me for the unexpected, but I just pray that my first tastes won't have me desperately climbing up the rope. Either way, I'm still above water and I have to fall in sometime. (end ridiculous, drawn-out metaphor)