The Tank of Sharks

I go into Bed Bath & Beyond the other night, mom in tow, determined to pick out what pots and pans we'll be registering for and get the things I don't need JT for like muffin pans and crock pots and whatnot. To me, all I see is a frenzy: shelves and shelves that stretch higher and wider than I can see with three different versions of the same product taunting me with popular brands and differing prices. I didn't know the first place to begin.

Half an hour later, I have handled every pan in the store with no decision about cookware. My mom says I should register for heavy, cast-iron pots at Savory Chef because nonstick pans won't last two years and they make her want to vomit because of the screeching sound they make with fingernails during dishwashing. Do I really want to register for pans that are hundreds of dollars more expensive? I'm not convinced.

So I came out of Bed Bath & Beyond with increasing frustration for all that is nonstick, stainless steel and cast iron.

My only purchase? This trinket, the only thing I knew I absolutely had to have, no matter what JT had to say about it.


update - 01/26/09: my boss and his wife ended up buying this for us. I have taken to fondly calling him Skark because I accidentally wrote it on all of our thank you lists, thank you notes, etc. Nine months into our marriage, he appears in all of my finished recipe photos as the signature trademark, and rightfully so: he is my sous chef!

Better than nothing!

Ughh...I haven't been good at taking it one day at a time. You'd think that being unemployed and not in school that my life would be so easy, but I am stressed out pretty much all the time between looking for a job and doing all of the things my parents want me to do. Since 11:00 this morning, I have been driving my mom all across town on her errands. They're redoing their entire kitchen, adding on a pantry, and redoing the entire backyard, so things around here haven't exactly been peace and quiet.

Also, I told someone I would sing in a two-night dinner party at my old church this weekend, and two songs I picked didn't work out, so I spent most of yesterday looking for music to no avail. Luckily, my best friend who majored in music is going to take my spot. My cousin just called and said I could get to South Texas roundtrip for $50 this weekend. I've wanted to take my mom down there since I graduated so she can see her family. My grandma had a stroke a year ago, so she hasn't felt up to traveling, and it will be good to see her since it only happens once a year! I feel bad that I made this commitment and feel like I'm letting people down, but I feel much better now that I don't have to worry about singing in front of people I don't know very well, but aren't total strangers.

Today I got a phone call from a company called Robert Half Technology. I'd applied for a technical writing position that paid $25-$30 an hour, but he said that position was filled on Tuesday. He did, however, tell me he'd put me on his contract-to-hire list and let me know if any company needed me to do contract work because lots of jobs had been opening up. So that's kind of bittersweet news. I'm also working on a manuscript for a pastor, so that's a little bit of money to work with! Better than nothing!

Chicken

I got SO much stuff done today it's not even funny. Well, in all honesty, I could have done more, but given my track record, today was a landmark occasion. Laundry, cleaning out my closet, ferrying my mom about town, and the big kahuna: a chicken marsala dinner complete with a trip to the grocery store and liquor store, to boot. There's a first time for everything!

kiss the cook

chk marsala w/ spaghetti noodles,
asparagus sautee'd in marsala wine and EVOO,
and caesar salad.

mom, digging in.

Oklahoma City is in my sights for tomorrow morning. I'm going to see my friends and professors for a couple of days and take a much-needed weekend away from home. No thinking about jobs, chores, or anything the entire time! I'm bringing a good book for spare time, but I doubt there will be much of that because there are lots of people to catch up with, places to remember, and laughter to be had.

One of these guys

I have never felt more lazy and unmotivated than since I've lived at home. If you've kept up with the chain of events that have occurred thus far, you'll know that I basically haven't accomplished anything.

There's so much that I want, but this stuck feeling I have really debilitates me. My body won't listen to my brain. I need a major breakthrough, and I need it now.

Growing up

This March, I filled out my first ever NCAA Men's Basketball bracket. So far, I am about 60% accurate, and only one of my Elite 8 teams is already out. My Final Four consists of North Carolina, Kansas, Tennessee, and Florida. I know Tennessee is kind of a long shot, but I had an instinct about them for some reason. Granted, I also gave Holy Cross and Xavier the benefit of the doubt and they failed me miserably. Oh, and I picked North Carolina to defeat Kansas in the Big Dance, 76-72. (I find it ironic that my brother Mike picked the exact same score for two different teams!)

It's a vicious cycle. The teams I hate never cease to disappoint me, even when I am rooting for them to win. Example, I counted on Duke to win purely because I dislike their program and what did they do!? They lost the very first game to some random, irreputable school with three names.

On the other hand, my Dallas Mavericks' little "slump" came and went, and with no repercussions in the standings. Phoenix, the closest team in the race, also lost two games in a row, so every thing's right on track and Dad and I are so excited!

Speaking of him, I am going to make more of an effort to let him know how much I appreciate him. He has worked hard to provide for our family, is probably the best stomach doctor out there, and has been nothing but a model of integrity and strength and wisdom since I've known him. I am definitely a Daddy's Girl. I am his Baby Angel, after all. He has a Facebook now, believe it or not, and we are official Facebook friends. I helped him fill out his profile, and he is a bona fide computer literate.

You should add him. Unless you're a freak. Actually, scratch that. Unless you don't know us. You can be a freak. We know and love plenty of freaks.

Rotting

Everyone has left me to rot. I woke up early to clean my room and gather the motivation necessary to get ready for the day. It still hasn't arrived, by the way, and I've been awake for over an hour.

My cat wandered into my room, sniffed around, and then left.
My mom ran around this morning and then left me here with all of the workers.
My boyfriend has been gone for a week with one more to go. I miss him like mad.

The only consolation is that this weekend, my Best Friend and brother will be in town for an entire week! It's their Spring Break. I suppose I've been on an extended break, but I need to go by ORU to finalize my drop process. It's so tedious there. At SNU, one could simply go to their advisor and drop any class they chose. There was no exit interview, professor's signature required, and certainly more than one person in the entire school knew how to complete the process, not one woman who is gone half the time so that students wishing to drop out have to wait weeks and make multiple trips to the school.

I have every intention of showering and going to a bookstore to read a wonderful novel that's been half-finished for ages. But I need a nap first, just a tiny one, and I deserve one because a) it's still before noon, and b) my life is missing right now.

Depressing and Doubtful

Things in life would be so great if I just couldn't think.

I graduated from college, did something most people don't ever have the chance to do, and I did it well. I loved it, worked hard, and was ready when it ran its course.

Then there was nothing.

It was either move back in with the parents or move down to Austin and start a life for myself.

Then physical therapy happened. I'm beginning to think it was just something to do, something to try, because I had no other options. Now, I am unhappy. Everytime I think about school, I cringe. Everytime I look at a textbook, the corners of my mouth (more appropriately, my depressor anguli oris) die. Everytime I go to class, my heart is heavy. I am disorganized, I am behind, and getting back in academic shape isn't important to me. I have senioritis, but at the beginning of my journey.

It could quite possibly be the prospect of four years exactly like this one, no money, no social life (except Jef, he's wonderful) but that's giving myself too much credit. You see, I'm not convinced I would even make it into physical therapy school. Moreover, I'm not convinced physical therapy is what I want to do anymore.

Even though everyone around me has been incredibly supportive of my endeavors, my parents most of all, I know I'm only staying with PT because there's nowhere else to go right now. I am safe in my parents' house, with school as a crutch to be free from adult responsibilities. School used to make me feel safe, but right now, it feels like walls closing in on me.

I've never quit anything before, and I don't know how.

Excited about the weekend!

If this says anything about me, I asked for two things for Valentine's Day: Anatomy Flashcards and the solutions manual for my chem book. I got neither.

Luckily my parents knew me better and got me this on super sale. They are great!

In chapel, a woman came and spoke about leadership. I liked what she had to say until she asked everyone who felt called to leadership to come up to the front. Hundreds filled the aisles and empty spaces, and she told them she would go around to each one and lay hands on them.

Well then she pointed a guy wearing a suit and says, "You are going to be a businessman, not into the ministry. I see you leading in a conference room. And forget about girls right now; they are a distraction."

My mouth fell open in shock. What if his girlfriend was standing right there? What if he was a senior theology student? I'm all about stepping on people's toes, but in public like that? This lady also told the president of the university that he would never live to see the kind of results his father's ministry had as far as healing goes, but that his daughters would possess those gifts and touch the nations that way. In front of the entire university? To me, if you have a personal message for someone, you tell them to their face, because if it's not from God, you can seriously damage someone who desperately wants God's will for their life and might go about it the wrong way if they are without direction. Anyway, it didn't sit well with me.

Good news: I am on my way to Arkansas to see LelJ! I'll return with pictures and the like on Sunday, just in time for the Superbowl. GO COLTS!

a distraction