Depressing and Doubtful

Things in life would be so great if I just couldn't think.

I graduated from college, did something most people don't ever have the chance to do, and I did it well. I loved it, worked hard, and was ready when it ran its course.

Then there was nothing.

It was either move back in with the parents or move down to Austin and start a life for myself.

Then physical therapy happened. I'm beginning to think it was just something to do, something to try, because I had no other options. Now, I am unhappy. Everytime I think about school, I cringe. Everytime I look at a textbook, the corners of my mouth (more appropriately, my depressor anguli oris) die. Everytime I go to class, my heart is heavy. I am disorganized, I am behind, and getting back in academic shape isn't important to me. I have senioritis, but at the beginning of my journey.

It could quite possibly be the prospect of four years exactly like this one, no money, no social life (except Jef, he's wonderful) but that's giving myself too much credit. You see, I'm not convinced I would even make it into physical therapy school. Moreover, I'm not convinced physical therapy is what I want to do anymore.

Even though everyone around me has been incredibly supportive of my endeavors, my parents most of all, I know I'm only staying with PT because there's nowhere else to go right now. I am safe in my parents' house, with school as a crutch to be free from adult responsibilities. School used to make me feel safe, but right now, it feels like walls closing in on me.

I've never quit anything before, and I don't know how.