a day at a time

NEW BLOG

2008-08-30T19:08:00.000-04:00

http://thereallt.blogspot.com

That is where I'll be!

Wall-EEEEEEEEEEE

2008-07-01T23:17:00.005-04:00

I love how these thinkers put subliminal messages in harmless children's films. We went to see Wall-E, so excited that it had finally released, and left entertained and enlightened.

Now I'm the type of girl who is borderline apathetic when it comes to politics. Okay, that sounds bad, and it's not necessarily true. I like to be a little deeper-than-surface-informed so I can appear versed in conversation and aware of any pending global disasters, but other than that, my life doesn't revolve around NPR and CNN.

And I'm certainly not the type of person who likes to get involved in political and social debates, unless they are nonspecific social issues. As I've said before, I love the who, the what, the where, the when, but I'm not a big fan of analysis or philosophy of issues that are out of my control.

However, this animated feature got me thinking. Perhaps my mind is so simple that that's what it takes to get the cogs turning in there.

Without giving too much away, the movie is centered around a robot of sorts designed to collect trash and deposit it into compact squares. He is alone on the earth as giant, world-wide, intergalactic cruise took the world's population on what was supposed to be a seven-year tour of the galaxy, but ended up lasting 1000s of years. This cruise is sponsored by a global monopoly brand that controls banks, supermarkets, clothing stores, and you get the idea. It controls pretty much every aspect of commerce. (I get the drift that this brand symbolizes Wal-Mart, or at least what it has the potential to become.)

On this cruise, humans are strapped to these hover machines that, according to the pre-cruise infomercial, were originally intended for the elderly and disabled, but are now taken advantage of by every human too lazy for walking even the shortest distances. A multitude of robots cater to their every whim--even toothbrushing! Perhaps the real kicker, they are equipped with screens mere inches from their faces that pretty much make them oblivious to their surroundings and send subliminal messages to dictate the latest trends and ideas.

Oh, and did I mention? Everyone appears morbidly obese.

I believe the writers intended this film to highlight the lazy unoriginalists Americans are becoming. Influenced by American capitalism and the increasing consumer monopoly, convenience and pleasure trump physical well-being and intellectual growth at an alarming escalation. A case I am currently working on has opened my eyes to the media's slant on things and their ability to influence an entire country to place their trust blindly on a screen plastered with faces they know better than their next-door neighbors' and ideas that are textbook examples of the power of suggestion.

In all actuality, people are so self-absorbed that I wouldn't be surprised if soon we are all equipped with computers that feed us the same knowledge set and ideology and deprive us of human interaction, independent interests, and creative expression.

The question is this: Is it truly deprivation if Americans don't seek those things to begin with? I propose it's time for humankind to buckle their bootstraps and live. Watch sunsets, not chick flicks. Play sports, not Lost reruns. Trust genuity and innovation over people you don't even know. Technology is good for keeping people informed, connected, and entertained, but it's easy to confuse media assertions with truth and lend more credence to electronics than human intellect and essential good. They know the power and credence they have over the masses, so it's crucial to remain unbiased and not develop the pessimistic slant they seem to place on most issues.

Ultimately, it's important for people to be mindful of their dependence on talking screens and talking boxes, or at least be mindful of how much time and opportunity pass them by as the rest of the world remains in motion.

the waiting game

2008-06-04T00:12:00.001-04:00

WARNING: Portions of this post may not be appropriate for certain viewers. If you aren't a big fan of the TMI, this post is NOT for you!

I have been counting down another important day since I...

I've had a blog started with those words that has been abandoned since 10 May 08. Its original ending had to do with my freakish obsession with getting my hair cut since the second I got engaged, which by the way, I did.

Now that sentence has an entirely different meaning.

You see, the moment you get married, (I guess for others, the moment they decide to sleep with someone), you have no indication that your contraception of choice is effective until that moment -- that prized confirmation -- affirms that you are scot-free for another month.

Due to a series of complications involving having to take a counteractive medicine, I was a little antsy for that day, but I refused to fall into that paranoid pit that most newlyweds don't even see coming. The pit of calendar-watching and overanalyzing every twinge your body makes. Nope. Wasn't going to do it.

But then a week went by. I called my doctor and two married friends. Take a test to put yourself at ease, they said. There's no way you could be pregnant, though. So I went to Wal-Mart after work and bought a pack of two. I felt a peace as I sat in the public stall, praying nobody would come in. It all felt pretty scandalous even though I'm married now.

Three minutes went by and the results were in. Was that a vertical line? I called a married friend. Is a faint line the same as a darker line? The tone in her voice told me any line means it's a positive. And these were 99% accurate tests.

My stomach leapt to my throat and caught. It stayed there for hours as I bought a digital test, convinced that this one was faulty. As I drove home with the tests carefully stuffed into the pocket on the passenger seat, I wondered how and if I was going to tell JT without knowing for sure. When I came home, he was talking and laughing on the phone. He was joking with a friend about booking a Greek isle cruise for four. Make it five, I thought.

I mouthed, Get off the phone, and he did, still laughing. It crushed me to see him so happy. I told him I wasn't sure, but there could be a possibility. We both kind of drained and just sat there. I put on a pot of pasta and took another test. Another plus sign. We ate our dinner and talked about what we would do, what we should do, what was there to do? I took another test, digital this time. Pregnant, it said matter-of-factly. I think when I saw that one it really sunk in. We lamented our three week honeymoon and had a somber and sweet night. We researched false positives online on every site we could find and there was nothing to be found. The only mistakes these tests supposedly ever make are false negatives.

The next morning, I called the doctor and the nurse was speechless. Come in for a blood test, they said. Let's make sure. So I got pricked and prodded and returned to work with my stomach in knots. I went to my parents' house and told my doctor dad what was happening. I remember sitting in his study with fat tears rolling down my cheeks as I explained what three positive tests could not deny. He looked in the hospital database for my blood test results and they were negative.

Negative? Was he sure? Did he know how to read those right? Yes, the amount of hormones in my blood was so low that it was undetectable. The machines couldn't even read it. Once that sunk in, I was so relieved that I actually started laughing. We checked the home test packets and they apparently have to read 25 units of hormone or more for a positive report. Something couldn't be right. Another home test turned out positive. A second blood test the next day was negative. I was not, in fact, carrying a lima bean.

Thus the waiting game commenced. And it just ended today!

not dead

2008-04-06T09:31:00.002-04:00

I am back from the dead and found some time to post.

I am a wife now. I promise I'll post pictures soon, but let me just say that the wedding couldn't have gone better! We have the whole day chronicled in pictures, so I don't think it will be possible to forget a minute of it.

Apparently there was a blog draft with stuff to write about that I never got around to. Such topics include bridal shoot, shower, moving, and Mrs. Nancy. I also blogged my entire Costa Rica trip in a notebook, but I'll get to that later.

My blog might be moving! I've reserved TheRealLT.blogspot.com, but it's a work in progress.

Hopefully I will have time for a substantial blog and soon!

a day in the life

2008-04-06T01:28:00.002-04:00

7:ooam - wake up, shower, and try to prepare body for picture
9:00am - hair appointment across town
10:45am - run frantically across house searching for misc. items that have decided to play a vanishing act.
11:15am - somehow arrive early to bridal shoot on other opposite end of town with dad in tow.
11:16am - suddenly feel a desperate urge to go to the bathroom.
12:45pm - finish photoshoot and race home.
1:15pm - depart for bridal shower.
2:00-5:00pm - smile, make small talk, and thank people graciously.
5:15pm - time to eat for the first time all day? eat with fiance and MOH at Mimi's (!!!)
8:00-11:00pm - take fiance to one of his favorite bands' concert. stand, dance, and nod off.
11:00pm-12:00am - cup of chai
12:30am - return to messy, messy bedroom and blog. will expound later.

Tomorrow: church, drive to OKC, second shower of the weekend, drive to Tulsa, Bible study.

Now: Sleep? Yes!

busy bee

2008-03-29T02:33:00.002-04:00

Well, it's been nearly two weeks since I've had time to post. How that time has escaped me, I don't know. Less than a month until the wedding and I'm really feeling it. That's just because the last week or so has been busy. Just like in every aspect in life, everyone who demands of you thinks that they are the only one demanding from you. There are vendors to be paid, final selections to be made, travel arrangements, itineraries to plan, and I've also ripped apart my room and would have a fine selection for a garage sale if I ever had time. I'm trying desperately to condense my life, but so far, my room just looks like a tornado hit it.

It's been really hard not to get frustrated when people demand from me or don't respect my time. Especially if they ask me to do something that they can do perfectly well themselves. Just something I am working through. But I am exhausted, I can admit here.

To top it all off, I'm flying to Colorado Springs at 7:00 this morning to be in a friend's wedding. It's 1:42am right now and I've pretty much packed. By that I mean all of the clothes I'm bringing are folded in a chair. I just have to find a suitcase that will accommodate everything, plus the bridesmaid's dress. (I have to tell you. Not to toot my own horn, but I think I look pretty hott in it. I really should have gotten it in white, if you know what I mean!)

When one area of life picks up, others are bound to follow suit. I got offered a promotion at work pending the terms of a raise (!!) and while I am delighted that my bosses trust me with the responsibilities, it means I have new responsibilities and have to find some way to juggle them. I've been bringing work home with me, which I hate to do and certainly wouldn't make a practice of except we're trying to get ahead before I leave for the honeymoon and there aren't enough hours in the day.

So that's the craziness I call life. Hopefully when this wedding's over, I will have time to kick back and relax. Just thinking about it is making me sleepy, so I'd better finish packing so I can make my 4:44 alarm!

N'Stink

2008-03-16T03:48:00.007-04:00

It's 3:00am on Sunday. Still ripe with the flu. Every part of my body is failing me right now except maybe my pinkie toe, and I just woke up with an embarrassing urge to listen to...N'Sync? So strong was the urge that I completed unlawful acts and downloaded it to my computer. So strong was the urge that I only spent two extra minutes searching for grammatically correct versions of the two songs I had in my head, both of which have the word "it's" in the title and are spelled "its." The former English major in me cringes, but the urge was so strong that yes, I listened to the songs before I edited the titles on my computer. Now you know the magnitude of the urge. I am sick and obviously delusional!

NEWSFLASH: JT is wonderful. Okay, so maybe that's old news, but I am reminded especially when he comes to see me AND brings me Jamba Juice even when I am death warmed over. Not only is he incredibly good looking, but he has about a million different smiles and expressions and ways to make me laugh. He's so diverse and sweet and goofy and interesting that my life is never boring with him. I discover new things I love about him everyday and have learned I can't live without his smile, his laugh, his sense of humor, his love and I'm glad I don't have to try!

That I am NOT delusional about!

HDSL, v 2.0

2008-03-12T22:56:00.004-05:00

Smuckers Simply Fruit | Blackberry Flavor: the best thing since peanut butter and jelly. I will eat this with peanut butter, toast, biscuits -- you name it. But any of those things aren't complete without this spread.

Not Your Mother's Slow Cooker Cookbook | Hensperger and Kaufmann: This is on my wishlist because I know that I will need lots of slow cooker recipes when we're married and both working full time. It will be nice to make dinner in the morning, make JT's lunch, go to work, and workout and then come home for dinner. We'll see if life and all of its busyness affords me that luxury.

Reflections for Ragamuffins | Manning: If you know anything about me, you must know how much I was changed by Brennan Manning's book, The Ragamuffin Gospel. This book includes devotionals based on his previous work, and I can't believe I'm just starting to read it. This will be on my bedside table for many years, I can guarantee that!

August Rush: I'm so excited this movie finally came out on DVD! I saw it twice in the theatre and was totally inspired by it. Well, I haven't done much, but it fed my desire to find something, do it well, and be passionate about it. I recommend it for anyone who likes music or feel-good stories. Aside from Robin Williams' especially creepy role, the whole story makes it one of my favorite movies.

Long Line of Leavers | Caedmon's Call: Do you ever come across one of those CDs where you like absolutely every song? It doesn't happen often for me, but this is the latest. It's kind of ironic because right before I met JT, I started playing soccer and fell in love with Caedmon's Call and Derek Webb, one of their original singers who left the group to do solo work. Those are two of JT's absolute favorite things, so it had to have been God's perfect timing! Anyway, Derek's voice really shines in "What You Want," which is one of my favorite songs right now.

spring fever

2008-03-12T07:06:00.003-05:00

Well, folks, I have the flu. Let's just say it gives new meaning to spring fever.

Yesterday morning, I just couldn't get out of bed and it pretty much stayed that way until about six o'clock. I was boiling with fever and my head and lower back felt like they were made of lead. That's why my sleep schedule is shot and I am bright-eyed at this glorious hour, hopefully over the worst of it.

So I missed work, but tried to keep up with emails. JT's best man's first baby was born yesterday morning. He had to drive four hours from a conference in Kansas City, but made it for his daughter's big debut. She was about three weeks early, but ready! She will be such a great girl with awesome parents. Anyway, I was so disappointed I didn't get to go see her, but JT was sweet enough to make sure I felt included:

JT with Emmercyn Averie :)

handsome man

2008-03-09T23:50:00.001-05:00

my crutchy man :)

First HDSL

2008-03-06T23:05:00.002-05:00

So what if my first Hump Day Shortlist falls on a Thursday? The way I am operating, it's still Tuesday sleep-wise and Friday work-wise so it can be any day because it's my blog! What is a HDSL, you ask? Skip down a post. b ut do come back! You missed one :)

Sacred Marriage | Gary Thomas: This is a book some of JT's friends told him to read with me. It talks about how marriage has the potential to bring your walk with Christ to an entirely different level and it's very down-to-earth. It does everything from trouble sheet to inspire to encourage. I have sacrificed sleep to finish chapters of this one! Please read this if you're married or seriously considering it.

500 Cupcakes: This was one of my Valentine's present from JT this year because he knows I love to bake and would love the design of the book. True and true. This is the book that contained the recipe to my wonderful volcanic Cupcake Nightmares.

Storytime! I found a recipe for Chocolate Berry cupcakes, and since I've been on a blackberry kick and JT was craving cupcakes, thought I'd give it a whirl. I made it through mixing the batter, making a fruit compote, and my chocolate gloss ganache. Then I overfilled the cupcake papers and had Cupcake Pools after the prescribed thirty minutes in the oven. I stuck them in a little longer and they turned a beautiful golden brown. They tasted wonderful topped with the chocolate ganache and fresh blackberries. WARNING: you WILL get hungry, but they were supposed to look like this. Mine were overflowing and I had to cut them from the tin with the flat of a knife, but they tasted wonderful served warm with milk!
The Reminder | Feist: They do the "1,2,3,4" song found on one of the first iPod Nano commercials. I had to add her because I have been listening to the song, "How My Heart Behaves" pretty much on repeat for the past four days. I'm torn between the gorgeous piano intro and the way her voice sounds with the backup male singer on the bridge chorus. Her voice and lyrics and even instrumentation are pretty much haunting and I love that! Haunting, eclectic, and timeless. She definitely doesn't belong in this decade.

Dr. David & Lisa Frisbie: Okay, I'm not really reading this book, but I have to plug our premarital counselors. This is one of their books. Their specialty is relationships, but they are exceptional with remarried couples, single parents, and the like. They have been wonderful with us. I went into counseling thinking that JT and I were going to experience lots of tearful accusations and other explosive situations. But they just let us explain how we did things, how we maneuvered through decisions and disagreements, what we would do in certain situations. We did a LOT of roleplaying. What would we do if we found out we couldn't have children, etc. Stuff you never think about, but are unexpected realities to everyday couples. Anyway, we love talking to them and are kind of disappointed we only have one follow-up session left. (We passed with flying colors, they said.)

The Goonies | (1985): So I never realized that this movie came out the year I was born. Hmmm. Good to know. I love this movie for obvious reasons. His name is Chunk. My iPod is named after Chunk's signature move, the Truffle Shuffle. Heck, I need to post the video.

I love everything about Chunk, from the mismatched clothes to the tearful fits he goes into and the way he befriends the ever-lovable Sloth. JT and I had Monopoly-Goonies-Turkey Dog night one of the days he was worse for wear and it was so much fun! Those kinds of nights belong to The Goonies.

lifesavers

2008-03-06T01:28:00.002-05:00

Figure it's time for an update from me. From making my first delicious, volcanic Cupcake Nightmares to discovering that premarital counseling doesn't involve crying accusations, my life has been unpredictable, fast-paced and absolutely WONDERFUL!

JT has improved significantly. He slept through the night for the first time since his surgery this past Sunday night. His color has returned, he’s a regular speed demon on his crutches and he’s his ornery self again – oh wait, no surgery or severe pain could ever take that away from him :)

Wedding planning is going well. No turning back now. I bought my veil yesterday from this woman who is the perfect picture of what an African-American matriarch should be. She runs this shop called The Clothes Horse (very Sweet Valley, I know, right?) but I had never heard of it as a bridal shop. She has all kinds of dresses and accessories and MAKES veils. Plus she can alter my dress, which is a huge lifesaver! She pretty much can do anything and lets you know, too.

I have had the strangest dreams lately. The other night, in a half-sleep phase, I obsessed for hours about registering for a slow-cooker cookbook. We don’t even have a slow cooker yet! But if we’re both going to be working, I have heard those things are lifesavers! (That’s the second time I’ve used that word in this post; voila – a title!) In another dream, my wedding day came and I had to get married just as I am. For some reason, I focused on how much I needed a tan and we didn’t have any plates or silverware to offer our guests either. Also, I was sick as a dog and my wedding came and went and I couldn’t remember it for the life of me. In fact, the next morning, I woke up in my bed at my parents’ house, where bees were stinging me (?), and JT had left for Costa Rica without me.

We both feel that God has huge things for us as a couple, in our relationship, our future, our careers, and especially our ministry. We are praying and exploring right now, and we both have a feeling that something’s coming soon. Please keep us in your prayers! Oh, and our website is up, so if you want the address and are ready to propel us out of anonymity, check my Facebook or leave me a comment!

At work, we routinely call bookstores to schedule signing and discussion events for our authors. Naturally, I spend a lot of time on the Borders website, checking to make sure our books are listed properly and finding all of the stores within a 50-mile radius of an author’s hometown. I’m going to add a new feature to my blog: Hump Day Shortlists. They are based on the bottom left corner of the Borders website, where they feature celebrities’ top five book, music and movie choices. Now I’m no Radiohead or Stephen King, but this is a short and interesting way to keep me accountable to blogging, and I’m going to take it, starting this week in a new post.

JT's poor ankle.

valentine's and surgery

2008-02-16T10:49:00.005-05:00

That is my handsome man! JT's surgery is over and he's recovering at home like a trooper. He's holding true to his motto of "Sooner Tough," even though those words are grating to my ears :)

They ended up having to do a lot more to him than we'd originally hoped. They had to reconstruct his shredded ligaments and reshape his bones and do all kinds of things in there.

He's in a hard cast as we feared, but only has to wear it for two weeks and a boot for four weeks after that. That's an answer to prayer! He'll have two weeks before the wedding to regain his strength and mobility. He's very strong, heals fast, and works hard, so I have no doubt that he'll be up and playing soccer in no time! Needless to say, he's in a lot of pain, so please keep his healing and pain relief in your prayers.

So our first Valentine's Day together wasn't quite like we'd imagined it would be. If you look back to Valentine's Day last year, I can't believe how much things have changed. It was such a wonderful day, though, to relax with him all day and be his helper. He is a wonderful patient. He has been so sweet and loving despite his pain. It's been hard to watch him in pain, but I feel like our relationship and our comfort with each other has improved even more.

On the way to his surgery, JT surprised me with our first Bible with our initials on it for Valentine's Day along with chocolate, a cupcake recipe book, and a sweet card. I had given him his presents ahead of time, but I threw in one last surprise:

heart-shaped sandwiches he'd been craving since he woke up from his surgery. Very "cheesy" of me, I know! Anyway, I feel like I am floating on air. I am so lucky to be marrying him!

generic update 398493

2008-02-09T15:19:00.000-05:00

After that downer of a post, I am glad to report that things are looking up. I'm trying to relax and keep the panic attacks at bay...no really, it's not that bad.

Action Step #1: I am making a rule that no computer will be allowed to touch the bed except for extreme special occasions, such as writing in bed all day. All internet searching and posting will have to be conducted from the "comforts" of my desk chair.

Action Step #2: Six (6) loads of laundry will be washed and dried today. Eight (8) bags of extra clothes will be vacated from my bedroom and relocated to JT's garage. At least eight (8) bags of additional garage sale material will be selected and removed in two weekends.

Not next weekend because JT's fourth ankle surgery is Thursday. You may or may not remember that Valentine's Day is the same day. For a present, I got him this game so he can have something to keep him occupied while he's laid up. You newbies don't know this, but this past summer, JT broke his other ankle and found some relief for his restlessness with the Wii.

Please, please pray for the best outcome in his surgery. Worst case scenario: he'll be in a cast until the week of our wedding. Best case scenario: boot for four to six weeks, physical therapy before the wedding. He will be strong and well within no time, but it will be nice if he has the chance to do so before our wedding, but it will be the best day no matter what!

My dress came in Friday! It fits like a glove, but I am going to work to lose a few more inches this month so I can get it fitted in time for the wedding! My mom has joined my gym, so we went a few times together last week and it was great. I'm going to try to do weights and running three times a week and just running twice a week before the wedding. High protein breakfasts and trim lunches and dinners will help me. My fridge is already stocked with pink lady apples, hummus, whole wheat waffles, and Lean Cuisine dinners.

I'm going to try to be better about posting the fun and exciting things that are happening, but half the time I wonder if people really want to hear about meetings with marriage counselors and finding out how true it is when people say you don't only marry someone, you marry their family, too!

naked

2008-02-01T01:51:00.000-05:00

I would like to give you the impression that I am happy all of the time. But I'm not. My flaws get me down a lot. It's like sometimes I just can't trust God that He loves me no matter what. Sometimes I am afraid to approach His righteousness and glory because of my sins.

We've all run from Him, thinking in vain that we can hide from Him, or at least if we don't make too much of a commotion that He won't pay any mind to us.

God's grace bewilders me. I can't even listen to certain songs that talk about it without being emotionally floored. It's too wide and deep and great for me to grasp, but I must grasp that I am a part of it and have received it and can take part of it.

Let me share with you my burdens, but in doing so, I want you to accept them as the width and depth and greatness of God's love for me. Because I believe that He will heal me and restore me and deliver me from these things and their effects.

Probably the most prominent thing on my mind right now is the wedding. 78 days. I feel like a heifer. I have always promised myself that I would look my best for my husband on my wedding night and my insecurities are creeping up on me again. Never mind that I have already lost 32 lbs since my highest weight or that I have over two months to lose the last 15-20. I'm becoming what I warn other girls about, comparing myself to bikini models and feeling guilty about every calorie that goes into my mouth.

I envy the girl who posted this entry in May and said:

Something I am realizing that's true for every woman is that no matter what you have done in the past, no matter what you look like, no matter what kind of shape you're in, or what LIES people who love you have told you that have ingrained those doubts in your mind, YOU are worthy enough to be the best you can be. That doesn't have anything to do with a specific size or shape, it's about loving yourself and treating yourself accordingly. It's one of the hardest truths to accept, but so worth it!

I need to find that girl and let her kick my butt. Not because I'm worried about what JT will think when he sees me naked (teehee), but because I'm not going to let this wanton fear of failure keep me from being my best. I guess what I'm trying to say is: I'm scared that if I try to be the best I can be, I will fail. But won't trying be worth it no matter what kind of efforts I achieve?

Want to know something ironic? When I wrote that post, I was talking about how I finally ran two miles. That was a HUGE accomplishment for me, given I couldn't run a mile without stopping until last spring. If only I could've foreseen my attitude on running now! Maybe someday I will look back on this post and say the same thing. Self, look at you now!

Planning a wedding has been both fun and challenging. It's hard making decisions about the ceremony and reception when I didn't dream of those aspects when I was a little girl; I always dreamt of the marriage itself. I know it will all come together in the end and it will be the best day of my life. Of course, part of that will be because the planning is over.

The weirdest thing I am scared of about the wedding: birth control. It's my fourth day and I am watchful of every calorie I put in my mouth just because I have heard horror stories about what it does to the female body. My mind is a careful balance of watching out for the symptoms and trying not to imagine them into existence, if that makes sense.

Lately, I have also been burdened for a friend in college, probably my best male friend I met there. For reasons that I don't want to share right now, we don't talk much anymore and it's best that way. Through the grapevine, I have learned that he dropped out of grad school and is spending time with a group of friends who are a bad influence on him. This is a guy I was in ministry with in college, so it hurts me to see him decline. There is, however, always power in prayer.

So that's my lot lately, or at least the little set of hardships that make my blessings that much sweeter. Rejoice in them with me, and I will let you know how awesome God is, or in what specific ways at least.

So good

2008-01-30T22:49:00.000-05:00

Tonight I am on vacation, a luxury afforded by a fiance who insists I take tonight to myself because he knows that a) I need it, and b) I'm too stubborn take a break out of my own freewill.

So I am on vacation from wedding planning, thinking about work, and weight loss. I have retreated to my room; just got out of the tub with a good book, actually. I spent a good hour in there reading about Ashley Wilkes Stockingdale and her potential suitors. Thanks, OK Chick!

From here, I think I will sing Hillsong United songs at the top of my lungs, write a little, and fall asleep to a movie. (Shortly after this post, I ended up falling asleep to a playlist of my favorite songs...EARLY. Nine hours of sleep early.)

For now, for the next few hours, I am on vacation.

I will leave you now with a picture of the love of my life, a man who swept me off my feet about a year ago when I least expected it and showed me what true love means.

God is so good.

love actually is all around us

2008-01-26T11:01:00.001-05:00

Note my new sidebar. I am going to try to post about these goals once a week and pick one to focus on. Where to start? Where to start?

Incidentally, the very day after I had this dream, JT came home from skiing and surprised me with a candlelight dinner including homemade lettuce wraps, sushi, sparkling cider, beautiful callalilies, and a card.

This affirms that a) I love this man, and b) I am still psychic. I did dream he'd surprise me, you know.

K, picture time.

I love this picture for some reason.

Name this place.
(No cheating, ACE!)

sweet dreams are made of these

2008-01-22T13:43:00.002-05:00

JT has been gone skiing, his last hurrah before he goes under the knife for his fourth ankle surgery on VALENTINE'S DAY. (I know! Cruel, evil doctors!) Anyway, God had this funny little way of making me extra excited to see him for the first time in four days today.

I dreamed that we were in a public place that looked strangely like what I've envisioned our reception will look like. Except all our friends were wearing Star Wars costumes.

(This may sound strange, but my dorm room had three life-sized Star Wars cutouts, so I wouldn't put it past me.)

JT was nowhere to be found, and neither was Chewbacca. Everyone was making a commotion and it seemed they were trying to distract me.

"He's not ready for her yet!" is what I kept hearing underneath people's breath.

My anticipation was building as I scanned the crowd of people and searched for him. Not JT. That's not him. No JT.

I could tell he had something crazy up his sleeve. He has the best surprises, you know.

"THERE HE IS!" somebody yelled...

and then I woke up and desperately tried to resume the dream in my subconscious, but it didn't work. But now I am extra excited about seeing him after work!

"What can make me feel this way...

2008-01-20T20:37:00.000-05:00

my GOALS. "

Ha. At least I make myself laugh.

These are NOT resolutions.

Physical –

Stretch/crunches/pushups every morning
Drink more water
Run 8-10 miles a week
Have vegetarian weeks
Run a marathon
Floss my teeth every day
Fix my hair and get dressed up at least 3x/week
Run more road races
Do free weights and Pilates regularly

Spiritual -

Read Bible and journal daily
Memorize scripture
Daily surrender
Ask God to reveal ways I can serve Him and others
Get involved in music ministry
Plug into a church ministry & Bible study
Transform my life by:

watching my words
guarding my heart
assuming the best about people
not worrying about what’s fair
thinking of others first
encouraging people
giving my time and money without an afterthought
Find a Paul, Barnabas & Timothy.

Activities -

Write something every week
Read one book a week
Spend less time on the internet
Play indoor soccer
Learn to play the piano
Spend more time outside
Practice my Spanish so I don’t forget

for such a time as this

2008-01-16T02:00:00.000-05:00

Notice anything different about those two pairs of shoes? (Besides the laces, of course.)

Give up?

I'll give you one last look.

The shoes on the left in both sets are road virgins. They have never once taken a beating from asphalt. The shoes on the right, on the other hand, have experienced the glory that is road running. I got these shoes a few weeks after the Tulsa Run and it's been freakishly cold since then, so they have been restricted to the elliptical and the mats at my gym.

Frankly, we were bored.

Okay, so I haven't been the best blogger lately, but bear with me. I am wide awake and here to tell you about the best run I have ever had. It was preceded by the note to JT in my last post, so you know it had to have begun well.

Picture this: it's sunset, and a glorious one at that. You run the perfect distance: three miles without breaking stride. The temperature's about forty degrees, but the wind has calmed down just enough to let you breathe.

It was so beautiful that I started singing. I know a run is going to be ultra embarrassing when I sing, because I already make fellow pedestrians suffer by run-dancing and reciting verses in trochaic pentameter to the tune of my footfalls. One guy saw me, but it was dark, and he had a Weimaraner, so he must have been cool. No harm done.

I'm still baffled by the song that came to mind. It's from a CD I stuffed in a drawer long ago when I decided I was over the cheesy CCM-type music; you know, the type of song with the strong vocals and the exact chord progression of all of its contemporaries. Here are the words:

I've often wondered what's eluding me
The yearning meant to free me from complacency
But the way is steep
And a storm may come

For such a time as this
Isn't it much too great a risk
I've never flown from the edge of a cliff
Never walked on the water
But if I turned away
How would I know what I have missed
Have I waited all of my life
For such a time as this

sometimes the thrill of soaring
has to begin with the fear of falling

Now that I think of it, I know why this song came to my mind. Today I had a heart-to-heart with my seventeen year-old brother in the kitchen. He has a lot of decisions to make in the next couple of years and I told him to make sure he didn't put off being the man he wants to be until he graduates from high school or college or medical school or gets married or has kids.

It's true for me, too. While I never want to make a wedding decision again, I also have to heed my own advice or else weeks will turn into months and months will turn into years, and dreams will become memories forgotten that disappear into some corner of my subconscious and leave my life to find its quality elsewhere. (Did Freud just roll over in his grave?)

Listen up, friend. There will always be a next step with a new excuse. Happiness and fullness of life and the footsteps of Christ and service to other people should not take a backseat to work and busyness. They don't cost a thing. They can be had simply by making a decision.

I'm going to start by picking up a book and soaking every word of it, even --daresay!-- literary books. I will start with Borges, in English instead of Spanish, despite a massive and very bloody internal battle when I used my 25% coupon tonight at Borders. And I will enjoy myself.

I will allow myself to slow down and relax. Just like my turtle jogging pace, it's not a race. But it sure can be fun getting from A to B!

:)

2008-01-12T07:16:00.000-05:00

2007

2008-01-02T10:42:00.001-05:00

I can't believe it's over.

It's been the strangest year yet. When it began, I was freshly graduated and moved back to Tulsa against all better judgment, where I had no idea what I would do or how I would make friends.

In 2007, I...

started the year off in a hotel room with some of my friends who had taken it upon themselves to take a VACATION to Tulsa of all places. I'd just spent 6 hours in the Portland airport coming home from my roommate's wedding.
fell in love.
got engaged to the love of my life!!
lost 30 lbs and changed my lifestyle significantly. Still losing!
went from barely being able to run a mile to running 9 miles in the Tulsa Run!
started my first real big girl job.
started my second real big girl job.
changed career paths 3 times and tried to go back to school when I was still burnt out. Bad idea!
visited oregon and south padre island.
was introduced to The Ragamuffin Gospel.

So, let's recap.

In 2007, God was wonderful:

In a single year, my career aspirations went from making bank with a job that I hate, to starting at scratch schooling for physical therapy, to romanticizing a technical writing position that was basically a glorified data entry job, to where I am now in a job I have grown to love. Jobless to job I love because JT had a friend who had a friend.

In a single year, I picked up The Ragamuffin Gospel because it was recommended by an anointed artist, the late Rich Mullins. Instead of being guilty about my shortcomings and trying to make up for them with selfish motives, the author Brennan Manning showed me how God gives us permission to be free from sin and embrace it, not as imperfection but as a picture of grace and redemption. Because I picked up one CD that told me to read a book, I see God's love in an entirely different light, and what the book says about the Bible is right: true love and relationship free from rules and guilt has transforming powers!

In a single year, my steel determination to focus on a career and stay AWAY from men was forgotten for a man who is so good to me, makes me laugh everyday, and inspires me to grow individually. My fiance's example has gently challenged me to improve my habits, my attitude, and my appreciation for life not because he demands it from me, but because he inspires me and has finally led me to believe that I am worth being the best I can be. Because some friends randomly moved to Tulsa, I went from not knowing how I was going to meet someone to a woman months away from her wedding day.

As I look at where I am now compared to where I was on 01.01.07, I choose to recognize God's hand and His power to change a life and set of circumstances in a minute.

four months and two days

2007-12-16T09:24:00.000-05:00

Just in case anyone missed it, Oklahoma was hit by an ice storm. This one wasn't as bad as last year's because it didn't stick to the ground for weeks, but it did cause 100s of 1000s of electrical outages, including the house of yours truly.

I just checked and it did, in fact, make national media! It took 4 pages of searching google to find that article, mind you. It also brought up every Oklahoma ice storm in the past! Living without electricity was weird. I didn't realize how much I took the constant hum and glow of electricity for granted. Basically, my family built a fire in our fireplace and huddled around it in the dark for warmth. It was between 30-40 degrees in my house by the second day. JT is still out of power. He is camping out on my parents' couch because his electrical box was ripped off the wall by a fallen tree. Our poor future house! It took my dad, brother, and him 5 hours yesterday to clean up the mess of tree branches in his yard!
So I am kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I want to see PS: I Love You in the worst possible way. As in, I don't know if I can wait until opening night to see it. I'm so embarrassed that I have taken to calling it The Ultimate Chick Flick, because I can't lie; that's what it is. The thought of dragging JT to it makes me feel guilty, yet I couldn't imagine watching it without his bicep to squeeze and his sweater to sob into. That would be the ultimate act of sacrifice for the person you love. Okay, maybe not the ULTIMATE sacrifice, but short of giving something up or risking bodily harm...

I've been looking through some of my friends' pictures, particularly the newlyweds. One common theme I see: everyone has taste. They post pictures of their newly decorated houses, and I'm wondering where they found those cute prints? How did they know what drapes to pick out? More importantly, where did they get the money to finance all of those big spends? That got me thinking, I'm going to become domestic! We're going to have to save for bedroom furniture, and bathroom light fixtures, and countertop pottery for the kitchen. We're going to have to make his house into our first home.

I am going to be someone's wife and I couldn't be any more excited!

say it with resolution!

2007-12-10T01:37:00.000-05:00

I am not waiting until New Year's to begin my resolutions.

Stay tuned for a more detailed list.

:)

2007-12-01T02:59:00.000-05:00

I am a lucky lady

chocolate and stress

2007-11-27T00:28:00.001-05:00

This is for Robyn...

As if we weren't expecting multiple high calorie days last week, we somehow fit in our cake tasting on Tuesday. It's going to look something like this, alternating white and chocolate cake with buttercream frosting and filling and NO FONDANT except for the cherry blossoms. That morning before work, I decided I should probably check some different cakes to get ideas. When I saw that picture in my Google Image search, it was love at first sight. I am confident it will be love at first bite, too!

Here's a little pearl of wisdom for anyone who faces stress in their life:

.dance.

Tonight I wasn't feeling well. We got out to look at the Rhema Christmas Lights (I know, isn't that ridiculous?) and there was music playing over the loud speaker. So I danced. I embarrassed the love of my life in front of a crowd. My arms were flailing, my feet were off rhythm, but I was dancing. And it fixed everything; no lie!

Also, if you're stressed, this movie quote might help:

"I used to live my life worrying about tomorrow and then I did some research and discovered something important...10 out of 10 people...die." - Bella

The Tank of Sharks

2007-11-21T01:58:00.001-05:00

I go into Bed Bath & Beyond the other night, mom in tow, determined to pick out what pots and pans we'll be registering for and get the things I don't need JT for like muffin pans and crock pots and whatnot. To me, all I see is a frenzy: shelves and shelves that stretch higher and wider than I can see with three different versions of the same product taunting me with popular brands and differing prices. I didn't know the first place to begin.

Half an hour later, I have handled every pan in the store with no decision about cookware. My mom says I should register for heavy, cast-iron pots at Savory Chef because nonstick pans won't last two years and they make her want to vomit because of the screeching sound they make with fingernails during dishwashing. Do I really want to register for pans that are hundreds of dollars more expensive? I'm not convinced.

So I came out of Bed Bath & Beyond with increasing frustration for all that is nonstick, stainless steel and cast iron.

My only purchase? This trinket, the only thing I knew I absolutely had to have, no matter what JT had to say about it.

update - 01/26/09: my boss and his wife ended up buying this for us. I have taken to fondly calling him Skark because I accidentally wrote it on all of our thank you lists, thank you notes, etc. Nine months into our marriage, he appears in all of my finished recipe photos as the signature trademark, and rightfully so: he is my sous chef!

girlcrushes

2007-11-17T10:19:00.000-05:00

Everybody has them. Whether they are out of admiration or sheer jealousy, every man has a mancrush and every girl has a girlcrush, except the term "crush" takes on an entirely different connotation than it does for the opposite sex. Girlcrushes aren't infatuations. Here's what urbandictionary.com, the definitive source of everything cool, has to say about the topic:

The admiraton one girl has for another. It could be to do with hair, body, make-up, car, clothes, career, talents etc. Completely non-sexual. Girl crushes are generally very short-lived, as girls move on very quickly from trends.

Anyway, here are mine.

Jennie Finch.

Olympic gold medalist for the US Olympic softball team, she is a woman who can pull off being six feet tall and athletic. I am nowhere near six feet tall, but I think that strong and powerful women are beautiful! She is a talented pitcher and hitter. She has worked hard. PLUS, she is a hott mom. She tried out and made the Olympic softball team just six weeks after giving birth. Do you understand what that means?

Giada DeLaurentiis.

Expert on Italian cuisine. A woman who, for all purposes, appears comfortable in her own skin. She hosts a cooking show on Food Network that showcases her ability to whip parmesan cheese, linguine, tomatoes, oregano and other ingredients into delicious Italian cuisine. She has the touch, the uncanny ability to throw random mix into a food processor and create these beautiful hazelnut cheesecakes and three-cheese pastas without spilling, poisoning, or maiming. Maybe it's because she was born in Rome, but I can barely make a beef stew for my fiancé! Giada also has great style. Then again, if I had the resources she had, and quite possibly, the personal style consultants she probably has, I might be able to expertly coordinate wardrobes that make me look like a million bucks, too.

Anne Dayton and May Vanderbilt.

They are published co-authors who have developed a unique voice that combines wit with a tender, brutal honesty. Their foot (feet?) have wedged through The Door. Don't know where that phrase comes from, but three books and soon to be four, have found their way into my local Borders Store and into my hands and the hearts and minds of Christian girls who crave to relate to someone -- even hapless characters in a book. In fact, I went to the largest bookstore in the US, and it was sold out of their latest release. I also admire these girls for having grad degrees. They are smart and savvy, a combination that is hard to come by these days. I have moments where I am smart, but savvy is compromised for comfort and eclecticism far too often.

I'm cutting this short with four, but you can bet I'll be adding more as I think of them. Who are your girlcrushes?

1110

2007-11-10T01:30:00.002-05:00

Planning a wedding has been crazy, to say the least.

But it's been a little over three weeks and we have a church, a reception place, pastors, a caterer, a photographer, a dress, bridesmaids dresses, a florist, a band, musicians for the ceremony, candelabras, a place to make our cake, centerpieces almost figured out, and probably more.

And we have each other.

I am incredibly blessed every day to have JT in my life. He's kind and spontaneous and considerate and strong and passionate and bold and smart. He's a student of life, an artist, an athlete, a wonderful friend, and he's mine. He's not the man I have always dreamed of; he's proof that God knows our hearts and has better for us than ever could have imagined.

I can't wait to be his wife.

Until then, it will be busy busy busy as we try to merge our family traditions and tastes and opinions on everything. Our alone time has become more precious. Moments seem stolen and that much more sweet.

My mother, on the other hand, is full speed and million miles a minute as far as wedding talk goes. I don't think I've had a conversation with her that doesn't revolve around the wedding. That can be exhausting. We did find the most amazing candelabras today at a little florist shop. They are wrought iron, very reminiscent of the medieval/gothic period, and have intentional flaws that give them character.

Alone time and girl time has been lacking. I am kicking Project LGN into full force again. I am going to be one hott, buff bride if I have anything to say about it. My abs are certainly saying something about it today. Ughh!

So I am hanging on. Things at work have been crazy, but we're hiring two new people on Monday, so my job will get a lot easier. I'll have a more appropriate workload, anyway. You have no idea how relieved I am.

My goal, sometime in the near future, is to make it a habit to get up at least an hour early. That way I can exercise and pray and write and spend time by myself to gather my wits and strength to face another day. One thing I have learned is that sometimes being awake in a leisurely, relaxed frame of mind can be loads better than sleep for the sake of energy and sanity and peace.

How I Found My Dress

2007-11-06T13:59:00.001-05:00

I had tried on about six dresses at places in Tulsa and had picked one that I loved everywhere I went. We went to OKC to search on Saturday and went to four boutiques and two bridal "warehouse" places. In both of those, I tried on several I liked, but the people who helped me kept bringing dresses even after I said I didn't like something about a dress. I ended up leaving with dresses still left to try on in the room because it frustrated me! (I hate hate hate that Davids Bridal doesn't have mirrors inside the rooms, too!!)

It was kind of a God thing how I found THE DRESS. I knew it would have to be because I couldn't imagine loving a dress so much and knowing without a doubt that a dress was going to be THE DRESS I marry JT in. I had made an itinerary of places in Oklahoma City based on geography. (You would have been so proud of me!) Well one of the girls I was with (I went with two of my bridesmaids.) had to be home around five, so I decided to skip JJ Kelly and go to the furthest one on the street. Well, that shop ended up only having prom dresses, so we went back to JJ Kelly. Second God thing: this is an appointment-only store, but the lady had a cancellation RIGHT when I walked in, and said since we were from Tulsa and didn't know, we could have the spot.

You see, the place I found THE DRESS wasn't like other boutiques. They had dresses in the back and you told the worker what you wanted and they brought options. I was paired with the owner of the shop, I found out. She closes the door to my dressing room and waves her finger. "Strip down," she says matter-of-factly. I had no time to feel uncomfortable; this woman meant no nonsense! She made me put on one of those little strapless bra/corset things and strip to my underwear. I felt a little uncomfortable for a second, but then I didn't care that a total stranger was seeing me in my underwear if it meant she could help me find THE DRESS!

I tried on THE DRESS first and loved it, but wanted to see other dresses. Two more were iffy. I tried on a strapless dress that was gorgeous and it had a really pretty sash I liked. I was almost sold on that, but I felt an urge to try on THE DRESS again. When I tried it on a second time, I was sold. I knew it was THE DRESS for me. We tried different trains and headpieces with it and I couldn't get over how gorgeous it was and how it combined everything I wanted in THE DRESS with the things I had discovered I like from trial and error (like the neck on it). My eyes watered a little!

This purple hair lady came in and bought a pink wedding dress and veil to renew her vows for her 50th anniversary with her husband. She told us they got married because they were in love and "people didn't live in sin back in those days!" She went on to tell us that she has only been with one man and can't find girls nowadays who have saved themselves for their husbands. I was so proud to tell her differently, and to have both of my friends join in!

So now I have THE DRESS and it will be in on time and I just need to decide if I want a veil or a flower in my hair and all of that accessory mumbo jumbo!

(oh, and while I was in OKC, my handsome, wonderful JT washed Xi-Xi inside and outside and put a brand new bike rack on her! I love love love him!)

HOORAY!

2007-11-03T19:39:00.000-05:00

I FOUND A WEDDING DRESS!!! Comment with your email address if you want to see!

Secrecy is vital. You understand :)

grown-up wishlist

2007-10-31T23:52:00.001-05:00

I want him.

these perfect, perfect shoes
(bye bye collapsed arches, blisters, blisters on blisters,
rips on blisters on blisters)

my future last name
I am soon to be LT!

you have no idea how much I love him!

You can read about my recap of the Tulsa Run here. Sorry I've been so bad about updating. Life has been crazy and a half!

Heeeee

2007-10-25T01:26:00.001-04:00

I don't want this to become a wedding-only blog, but I couldn't resist posting this:

LB: we should register next month, fo sho.
JT: where

LB: Crate and Barrell, bed Bath and Beyond, and some place that's everywhere like Dillards/Macys/Penney's/Target?

JT: REI !!!!

LB: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL

If I become one of those girls who only talks about wedding stuff, please pinch me. You have my full permission :)

engaged!

2007-10-23T19:59:00.001-04:00

Here is our story for those who don't know.

JT and I met in the summer of 2005 when I was on Living Word, SNU's traveling PR team. He was a counselor at my district's church camp. When I got back to school, one of his friends told me JT thought I was cute, but it wasn't the right time yet.

When I graduated in December, I moved back to Tulsa, where we met again at a cookout at the mutual friends' house during the ice storm. I knew he was going to be there and remember feeling kind of nervous/excited even though I didn't really know him. We talked a lot that night and I remember being really drawn to him and I felt like everyone noticed. I went home and told my family that I was going to start dating him, even though I had barely met him once or twice and had no indication that was the case. He hadn't seen the new James Bond movie, so we made plans to go with a group.

We went a couple of weeks later and had a lot of fun. A couple of days later, it was Valentine's Day and I got an email. He had done his research and sent me a Chewbacca he'd photoshopped to hold roses. If you know me at all, you know this is very effective research :)

He had planned to go to Norman that weekend after his indoor game and we'd go out for coffee after that. Well Friday night, he surprised me at a concert I went to with my family and he came over that night even though he was supposed to be on his way to Norman. I made him some CDs and fed him death by chocolate cake and when I walked him out, he grabbed my hands and said, "So does this mean we're dating?" (!!!!) I said yes and we went out when he got back on Sunday.

Fast forward to October 18, 2007. We're in South Padre Island with my parents and mom's side of the family. His mom had picked out a pretty white dress for me before we left, so he asked me to wear it so we could take pictures on the beach. Well...we got back kind of late from horseback riding and the sun went down, so by the time I was ready, my parents were sitting in the living room of our condo and said JT was waiting for me out there to take a picture.

By that time, I had a feeling something was up. He had assembled an iPod dock out there that was playing some of our favorite music. We read from a book that had some of our first memories in it and a list of things he loved about me. Then he told me that he loved me for the first time. When we started dating, he told me that those words were reserved for his wife, so I knew. I told him I loved him, too, and thanked him for telling me all along without saying those words through his touch and the way he looked at me and took care of me.

"So you know I love you, right?" he said. I agreed. "Then there's only one thing left to do."

And he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. I remember saying "wow" and "oh my gosh" and I think my vocabulary was limited to that. Well, that and "yes"! We hugged for a little while and he said, "Don't you want to see your ring?" He had slipped this perfect ring on my finger. Apparently, he had designed it behind my back with the secret help of one of my best friends, LJ. It's yellow gold with a solitaire and seven smaller diamonds on each side. You can't see this from the pictures, but he got a European shank on the back because my ring finger is broken and that way the ring will stay in place. He really put a lot of thought into it and it was a lot better than I could have ever designed!

Our relationship has been anything but ordinary. We have pretty much been inseparable but have somehow grown individually. He brings out the best in me, encourages me, and makes me laugh all the time. He's smart, considerate, funny, spontaneous, artistic and hard to describe, but if you met him, you'd know he was perfect for me!

We are getting married this spring, depending on when we find a place since my church meets in a high school gym! Thanks for your encouragement! I'll keep everyone updated on the planning!

:)

2007-10-22T01:42:00.001-04:00

Update Lite

2007-10-17T02:25:00.000-04:00

Life has not slowed down lately! This past weekend, JT and I went to Dallas with my dad for my great uncle's 80th birthday. It was nice to get away. We went to Crate & Barrel and got him some shelves. He got to meet a lot of my dad's family. We watched the Cowboys LOSE on Sunday! :(

Oh, and we accidentally ran around White Rock Lake. JT was supposed to turn around after about 3 miles and meet up with me so it'd be 6 miles total back to the car. Wellllll...he kept going until he'd been going about 7.5 miles and it made no sense to turn around because the lake's 10 miles around. Wowsa. I ran about 7 and walk/jogged the rest of the way.

I'm on my way to Padre for a family reunion on my mum's side. We'll be there until Sunday, but I'm bringing my laptop to get some work done (blah). October's just going to be a busy month in general, but I'll try to keep you posted.

THE TULSA RUN IS WEEKEND AFTER NEXT! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Procrastinating

2007-10-12T00:48:00.001-04:00

Once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator.

It's ridiculous!

Things at work have been hectic lately. I'm taking off Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of next week to attend my mom's big happy Mexican family reunion at South Padre. JT will be in attendance. That must mean we're in it for the long haul! He is wonderful.

We're also going on a minitrip to Dallas with my dad to his uncle's 80th birthday this weekend. Tomorrow's my daddy's birthday, too! He will be 47, but I don't think he's a day older than he was when I was born. He has aged well, if you can even call it that! He also tore ligaments in his ankle because he goes to work way too early in the dark. He's okay, though.

Anyway, my boss is implementing this new time infrastructure, which I am super pumped about. We have divided the responsibilities and given each one an alloted amount of time. You have no idea how excited I am. I thrive in systems. Give me a system or a deadline, and I might procrastinate, but I will find some way to get the job done.

The only tricky thing is adjusting. With less than a week to prepare, I'm not caught up. If I were completely caught up, I could hit the ground running and crank out press releases and booksignings all day. Plus, I'll only be there two days next week. I am going to attempt to accomplish five days' of work in two. We'll see. I'm very lucky that they let me take "vacation" this early--even if they do want me to check my email at the beach.

See, you can still procrastinate even when you're not in school. I'm supposed to be working on a few stray press releases, but I was so stressed today at work that I went to Old Navy and splurged on some clothes. It was my first clothing purchase in a very long time! Then I went with JT to Mimi's and we took our friend a shirt that says "My Daddy's Dreamy and so am I!" because he just found out he and his wife are having a girl :) I think I'm ready now........

........To start press releases, not to have a girl!

WHOA.

Oh, and by the way, when I went shopping tonight, I bought clothes a size smaller! And they FIT!

Competition

2007-10-08T02:03:00.001-04:00

There are many forms of it. Friendly competition that builds camaraderie. Unspoken competition that gradually deteriorates friendships. Open rivalries. Competition to advance in some way.

My pride should have taken a major fall, but it wasn't too bad. My team, my beloved Texas Longhorns lost by a touchdown to OU. That's only a big deal because a) I am a Texas fan living in Oklahoma, and b) my boyfriend graduated from OU, lived in their stadium, and absolutely loves those Sooners. JT has been very graceful about it. I think it's because OU only beat them by a touchdown. Some predicted it would be a blowout. Both teams, and the entire Big XII for that matter have a lot of work to do! Anyway, I pictured a big show of exaggerated celebrations and dramatics during the game, but that was kind of muted because JT was as sick as a dog. When it was over, the outcome wasn't the typical end of a competition, just an attitude of so that's that.

I have been a competitive person my entire life. It's in my nature as a human being, as the firstborn and only girl of three children in my family, and as my father's daughter.

In sports, I was incredibly clumsy, but I went out for the team every year. It wasn't natural ability or winning that kept me signing up every season, it was my competitive nature. I have missed playing sports because my life is much better when that kind of adrenaline, strategy, and power is incorporated into my lifestyle. I am determined to play indoor soccer again and develop fundamental skills so it looks like I know what I am doing out there.

I am running in the Tulsa Run two weeks from Saturday. Sometimes I wonder if 15K is too much for a first race. This is coming from the person who broke stride in footraces on the playground when it became apparent that I was going to lose. It's different, running. It's not a team sport; your success is totally dependent on your ability. I have worked, but not too hard. I can run 6 miles on a good day, but my runs are becoming more inconsistent. I suck wind and jog at a snail-like pace. I average about 11-12 minutes per mile, which is fast compared to my track record. (HA! Yes, pun intended!)

Even though I've been running for months, I've developed habits but no consistency. I'll run three nights one week and one night another week. On my days back from a couple days' break, I can run farther and faster. When I've gotten enough sleep, carbs, and protein, my performance is better, who would have known. Some days I run six miles. Other days I am struggling before the first mile marker. I just need to not be so self-conscious. I need to take the Truffle Shuffle out there and ignore everyone else during the race. I need someone to tell me that even if I can't run nine miles, and my pace is much slower than everyone else's, it won't hurt to give it my best instead of giving up and making excuses.

Confession time: I am a very prideful woman. I hate not being right, not being perfect. I would rather be bad at something than be great but not perfect at it. Just for kicks, what do you consider the best way to douse a competition that has gotten out of hand? How do you lay down your pride and agree to disagree when arguing with someone?

I think that learning how to exist peacefully with people is one of the most important things to master in this world, and that laying down your pride and approaching a person to talk things out is key in those baby steps of learning. Even though I will never be perfect at it, this is one thing I will not hesitate to try.

Alive

2007-10-04T14:23:00.000-04:00

What makes me come alive? What does "coming alive" entail? That has been a common theme in my life lately. People all around me are being inspired to reflect on their loves and passions and act on them. I think that when something makes you come alive, you recognize a part of yourself in it. You are drawn to it and filled when you experience it. I've been told that when you focus on these things and make a conscious effort to incorporate them into your daily experience, you lead a much more fulfilled life.

Here are some of mine:

Backing words with actions
Making someone’s day
Learning and researching
Handwritten letters
Worship
Walking barefoot
Perfect weather – on the cool side
Making things for people
Learning schedules, patterns, formulas, recipes and systems

Breaking them

Finding a better way to do things

Working with my hands
Hearing people’s stories
Good food
Bookstores and libraries
Clean paper and ink pens
The woods
Competition
Creating
Unconditional love
Singing
Strong instrumental crescendos
Color
Feeling loved and appreciated
Hard work and seeing the rewards
Bursts of creative energy
Long talks
Making healthy choices
Kids
Good journalism
Intelligence
Admitting I’m flawed
Interesting artwork
The intricacy and strength of the human body
Seeing passion in others
Taking care of people
Books and their smell
Cold, fluffy sheets
Taking things apart and putting them back together
Epiphanies
People who are individual
Rocks and stone
Applicable worship songs and Bible verses

Ragamuffin Gospel, Part 3

2007-10-04T00:23:00.000-04:00

Chapter 7-11 Quotes:

"The dichotomy between what we say and what we do is so pervasive in the church and in society that we actually come to believe our illusions and rationalizations and clutch them to our hearts like favorite teddy bears."

"In order to free the captive, one must name the captivity."

"I have fallen victim to what T.S. Eliot calls the greatest sin: to do the right thing for the wrong reason."

"The spiritual future for the ragamuffins consists not in disavowing that we are sinners but in accepting that truth with growing clarity, rejoicing in God's incredible longing to rescue us in spite of everything."

"We acknowledge that what makes a man righteous is not obedience to the Law, but faith in Jesus Christ." (Galatians 2:16)

"The way we are with each other is the truest test of our faith. How I treat a brother or sister from day to day, how I react to the sin-scarred wino on the street, how I respond to interruptions from people I dislike, how I deal with normal people in their normal confusion on a normal day may be a better indication of my reverence for life than the antiabortion sticker on the bumper of my car."

"Honesty brings an end to pretense through a candid acknowledgment of our fragile humanity. It is always unpleasant, and usually painful, and that is why I am not very good at it. But to stand in the truth before God and one another has a unique reward. It is the reward which a sense of reality always brings."

"Honesty before God requires the most fundamental risk of faith we can take: the risk that God is good, that God does love us unconditionally. It is in taking this risk that we rediscover our dignity. To bring the truth of ourselves, just as we are, to God, is the most dignified thing we can do in this life."

"In love there can be no fear, but fear is driven out by perfect love, because fear is to expect punishment, and anyone who is afraid is still imperfect in love." (I John 4:18)

"Freedom in Christ produces a healthy independence from peer pressure, people-pleasing, and the bondage of human respect. The tyranny of public opinion can manipulate our lives."

"In Christ Jesus freedom from fear empowers us to let go of the desire to appear good, so that we can move freely in the mystery of who we really are."

"For most of us, it takes a long time for the Spirit of freedom to cleanse us of the subtle urges to be admired for our studied goodness. It requires a strong sense of our redeemed selves to pass up the opportunity to appear graceful and good to other persons."

"Living by grace inspires a growing consciousness that I am what I am in the sight of Jesus and nothing more. It is His approval that counts. Making our home in Jesus, as He makes His in us, leads to creative listening."

"The call asks, do you really accept the message that God is head over heels in love with you. I believe that question is the core of our ability to mature and grow spiritually. If in our hearts we don't believe that God loves us as we are, if we are still tainted by the lie that we can go do something to make God love us more, we are rejecting the message of the cross."

"Faith means you want God and want to want nothing else...To be Christian, faith has to be new, that is, alive and growing."

"I could more easily contain Niagara Falls in a tea cup than I can comprehend the wild, uncontainable love of God."

"If we believe in the exciting message of Jesus, if we hope in vindication, we must love, and even more, we must run the risk of being loved."

"God wants us back even more than we could possibly want to be back."

"The nature of God's love for us is outrageous. Why doesn't this God of ours display some taste and discretion in dealing with us?...No, the love of our God isn't dignified at all, and apparently that's the way He expects our love to be. Not only does He require that we accept His inexplicable, embarrassing kind of love, but once we've accepted it, He expects us to behave the same way with others."

"I am being told anew in the unmistakable language of love, 'I am with you, I am for you, I am in you, I expect more failure from you than you expect from yourself.'"

"Most of us spend considerable time putting off things we should be doing or would like to do or we want to do -- but are afraid to do. We are afraid of failure...Each of us pays a heavy price for our fear of falling flat on our face. It assures the progressive narrowing of our personalities and prevents exploration and experimentation. As we get older we do only the things we do well."

"The Christian with depth is the person who has failed and who has learned to live with it."

"What the man of God longs for in shepherds -- daring enough to be different, humble enough to make mistakes, wild enough to be burnt in the fire of love, real enough to make others see how phony we are."

"The ragamuffin who sees his life as a voyage of discovery and runs the risk of failure has a better feel for faithfulness than the timid man who hides behind the law and never finds out who he is at all."

"The secret of the mystery is: God is always greater. No matter how great we think Him to be, His love is always greater."

Busy Bee

2007-10-02T01:36:00.000-04:00

I have a burst of productive energy. I've cleaned and rearranged my room, run 5 miles, made my brother a midnight snack, and read a couple of articles. It's nights like this that my best creativity comes out to play, but not tonight. Normally, sleep would play second fiddle, but I am much too old and have too much work. I miss naptime :(

New Goals:

31) Read more literature. Not books, but literature.
32) Start fulfilling my goals.

Spence

2007-09-30T13:31:00.001-04:00

This week has been tough.

One of our friends passed away on Friday after a five-year battle with cancer. He was 24.

He was Spencer Lee Green.

I won't be able to attend the funeral, and it breaks my heart. He wasn't a close friend of mine, though we did enjoy surviving English lit classes together. His family is a "legacy family" at my college and in the Nazarene denomination, meaning that grandparents, aunts, and uncles are Nazarene pastors across the country. Because his first cousin is my roommate and bff, I have gotten to meet many of this family, the Greens, and I am beside myself for them.

JT will be going to the funeral 8 hours away, by himself, and that also breaks my heart. I wish I could be there to support him, but sometimes responsibilities make life tough like that.

I have been a mess. I have felt myself crushed and torn in a million different directions.

The Lord has been softening my heart and showing me who I am as a woman. So basically, I have a lot on my mind.

Right now, it's too long and incoherent, but once I see JT off and have some time to unwind, you will be hearing from me!

"Don’t ask what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive." --Spencer Green

Lost and Found

2007-09-23T09:13:00.001-04:00

I haven't gotten directionally lost in a long time, and when I am lost, I usually capitalize on the situation by exploring the area and seeing what new things I can learn about my location. Saturday, we were painting JT's kitchen when we discovered that my mad corner painting skills were impaired by old brushes. There's a Lowe's five minutes from his house, so I volunteered to exchange an air filter and stock up on brushes. Well, I ended up getting the wrong brushes. I got chip brushes, which are used for woodwork and much too small for our task at hand. (I know, right? I asked myself why send a woman to Lowes? Because my track record for painting proved that I would be much more useful on this trip than trying to get work done myself!)

So I had to go back and I was pouty and disappointed that I had been having female moments all day. If there's one thing I hate less, it's living up to the typical female stereotypes. (I only have brothers, if that clears things up.)

There's Lowes at the Green Marker. Somewhere, somehow in the midst of feeling sorry for myself, I turned too early and ended up on the Broken Arrow Expressway. Whoops. Oh well, JT doesn't have to know. I turned around on the next exit. There weren't any signs, but I figured doing a DIRECT U-TURN would put me back on the same highway, just going west toward Lowe's. Almost immediately, I realized that I was getting further from civilization. There were no highway markers to tell me what highway I was on or which direction I was going. Furthermore, I drove about fifteen minutes with no sign of an exit.

Then I relented.

I called JT.

After assuring him that there were no highway markers to speak of (I'll feel really dumb if I missed those!) He told me to call him when I had a chance to turn around. That chance didn't come for about thirty minutes. I ended up:

I told you, I was far, far away from civilization. And worse, my fuel light was about to come on. That's only happened once before, and I was determined not to panic this time, so I trusted that I could get back on air.

After some investigation, I figured out how I managed to get on the wrong highway by doing a direct U-turn. I ended up on the same highway, except still going east, I think. You would have gotten turned around, too if you had to work with this kind of geography. Check this sucker out in the middle of the map...it's intense!

Before I went to Lowe's, I got gas at the nearest station, which was pretty old-fashioned. And by old-fashioned, I mean no pay at the pump service. There was an old man pumping next to me. He was SO cute and looked sharp and grandfatherly at the same time. We struck up a conversation about gas prices (at which point, I realized I was pumping the wrong kind of gas into my car, but it wasn't diesel, just ended up paying more) and how we wish ethanol would become more mainstream.

In the middle of our conversation, the saddest thing happened. His wife came out of the car and started yelling at him. I don't know what he did wrong, but she was screaming at him that he was stupid and never paid attention to what he was doing! I turned away politely, and my gas pump clicked finished. I wanted to say goodbye, but the man wouldn't make eye contact with me. As I got into my car, he was walking into the store and his head was bowed and his shoulders were slumped. He had the saddest look on his face and my heart broke right there. When I got to Lowe's, I was determined to salvage the female gender. I asked a boy of about twelve for advice on paint brushes, saying I got the wrong one last time and needed a man's opinion. His chest puffed out and he began telling me everything he knew about brushes in the deepest voice a boy who hasn't gone through puberty can manage.

By the time I got back to JT's house, I had been gone over an hour. He had his arms open to me and lip curled out like he felt sorry for me for getting lost, but I couldn't stop thinking about the old man. He held me for a little while and I told him about my experiences. And I needed it. I didn't understand how wounded I was for that old man.

If you skip over this post, because I know it's long, just read this part alone. That gas station experience made me realize how important it is for women to respect and defend their men, even against her own self. It doesn't matter how he's treated you or what kind of lapses in judgment he's had, no man deserves to be emasculated by a woman with a sharp tongue and a cruel demeanor. Women, if you think that real men are a dying breed, whether they're domineering or have no backbone to speak of, then rethink the messages you send to men. Don't take a man's fire away by cutting him down or bossing him around. Encourage him, build him up, and let him know that you need him, but at the same time, don't patronize him. Defend yourself with the truth if you need it, but be patient with him, and try not to let disagreements turn into personal attacks. If you want a man with fire, then don't extinguish him.

End soapbox!

Random Fact #1-2

2007-09-21T00:06:00.001-04:00

I used to think "subtle" was spelled "scuttle."

I learned most of my intermediate words from Anne of Green Gables, which I read from cover to cover when I was four years old.

Guess that's more like three facts, huh.

Still not fulfilling my pact of posting about substance, but I'll get there.

Not now. I'm in the middle of Wild at Heart, chapter 3. JT's reading Captivating right now, and so far, I am pathetically behind. (They are counterpart Christian books about the male and female soul, respectively. We switched off a couple of weeks ago.)

Speaking of Christian books, my next post will summarize the next portion of Ragamuffin Gospel. It's the most powerful book I have ever read. I finished it a couple of months ago, actually, after two long years of putting it off. It's that good, ladies and gents.

self-help

2007-09-17T00:52:00.000-04:00

Tack these on to the birthday goals:

24) Have vegetarian Wednesdays, or something like that.
25) Start TONING
26) Opera lessons
27) Get back into indoor soccer, even if I have to embarrass myself.
28) Wear dresses just for fun, even if it's not a special occasion.
29) Do fun and different things with jewelry and hair.

It seems I only post if I feel guilty about something, have cute pictures, or JT does something sweet.

30) Post about meaningful things.

I've opened up the Blogger browser several times with intentions of writing. Work has been tiring. My favorite post-work activities involve being brain-dead. I'll work on that, as part of goal number 23.

SO. Tired. I am about to drop dead.

Make up Blog

2007-09-10T15:03:00.000-04:00

Long time no post. Life has been busy, especially work. I'm not allowed to use my work computer for anything other than work. You can imagine how that conversation went. Today, I spent all morning calling a TV reporter who wanted one of our authors. Six phone calls apiece later, the author says she can't film at Hastings Bookstore because they sell Harry Potter and witchcraft. I wanted to say, "Then we can't do anything for you, Ma'am. I'm Harry's publicist. Good day!"

I went to my first OU game but firmly maintain my Longhorn roots. This does not, by any means, mean I am a Sooner fan. I claim my Longhorns! Still, I got to see JT in his element and it was nice. We took Route 66 home!

Will blog more later. Here are some pics!

I went to my first OU game....

"DON'T TURN AROUND!" he's saying. (Butt)

we went to POPS on Route 66

My boyfriend, the photographer :)

birthday

2007-09-02T01:02:00.001-04:00

knight
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

it was wonderful

this is my knight in shining armor :)

22

2007-08-31T00:56:00.001-04:00

It's officially my birthday and I seem to be doing better. My outlook is brighter. I have recognized Satan and refuse to give him footholds in my life.

22 goals for 22:

1) Run a few races. 5K, Tulsa Run. Sign up.
2) Get freelance work just for fun.
3) More me time.
4) More writing time.
5) Life of constant prayer.
6) Be better with budgeting time and money.
7) Look for ways I can serve people, even if they don't ask for it.
8) More creative time for painting, sketching, making, creating.
9) Look for ways I can capitalize on little things and be excited about them.
10) Read 20 books.
11) Learn how to cook more.
12) Move.
13) Simplify my life and assets. Goodbye, old clothes!
14) Get published in a magazine.
15) Advance in my career. Work on being the best in my career.
16) Be a better friend, girlfriend, sister, and daughter.
17) Write more letters.
18) Talk to strangers.
19) Learn about new subjects like French language, stem cell research, and sheep-herding.
20) Lose all concept of self and therefore find myself in Christ.
21) Get back into singing, possibly in a worship band.
22) Be more organized.

...and one to grow on...

23) Forget "The Man" and live my life anyway. Defy him. Prove him WRONG!

Beauty in the Breakdown

2007-08-29T10:54:00.001-04:00

I am days away from my 22nd birthday.

Do I feel old? No.

Am I nostalgic? Not really.

Am I scared? Scared to death.

I have been wrestling myself lately. My dreams are slowly coming true right before my eyes, but I am still almost crippled by doubts that I'm not doing right in God's eyes. That every decision I make is wrong, a setback, a disgrace to God. These are all Satan's designs, I recognize them. They make me incredibly fickle, my stomach's in knots, and I don't like it. I need a stronger prayer life. My defenses are weakened.

JT and I went on a prayer walk last night. We prayed for renewed hope, a clear future, the fruits of the spirit, and for all of our loved ones who are suffering right now. There are a lot! My emotions are a roller coaster right now. You lucky readers have the privilege of experiencing the highs and lows of LB's inner workings.

I am confident that I will follow up this post with a "what was I thinking?", even delete it. But I have to be bare and honest right now.

"His power is made perfect in weakness." Someday I will see how his power is being perfected in me! :)

pics from the weekend

2007-08-27T10:00:00.001-04:00

new herrrcut

<3<3<3

"the stars in the hazy heavens tremble above you"

2007-08-25T02:35:00.002-04:00

Gahhhh... I really hate to become one of those girls, but I have to get this out there. Tonight was A-MAZING. This post is pretty much dedicated to JT.

This week was a more stressful week at work. Things were absolutely crazy, but ended on a good note. I ended up working through lunch today, but I made up for it at dinner tonight, no worries! Mmmmhmmm...sushi.

Get this: our dessert The Chocolate Tsunami was described as: "Chocolate cake topped in chocolate sauce. (Chocolate)" We asked the waitress why it clarified (Chocolate). She said it was so customers are aware that it has chocolate in it. Derrrrr.

JT: "Can we get the Chocolate Tsunami without the chocolate?" He makes me smile.

We walked along the Jenks Bridge. You know, where I like to run? The lights were gorgeous. There were beautiful spider webs all along. I hate spiders, but these were works of art, especially the way they were glistening in the light. Nearly all of the webs were occupied by spiders sitting possessively in the middle. How is God so great that these little creatures can be artists and spin webs that protect them from strong winds, catch food for them, and help them move from one place to another. I'm really glad JT admires stuff like that like I do. He has done a great job of keeping me on my toes, making sure I behave, and showing me different experiences in life everyday. It's great.

It's been stormy. There was a wall cloud just above my car when I got out of work, but no hail, thankfully. I've opened my bedroom window so I can watch the lightning when I eventually drift to sleep. We drove with the windows down and the Caedmon's Call turned up. The air was crisp and smelled like storm. It would be perfect running weather if it will last until tomorrow morning for me.

Kissing in that wind on the bridge was perfect. We just had amazing chemistry tonight. We laughed and spoke and kissed from our hearts.

I love my job

2007-08-22T17:44:00.001-04:00

Just got snapped at by 700 Club producer.

You know, the national Christian TV show?

Did I mention how much I love my job?

No, really!

Pride and Purpose

2007-08-22T13:06:00.000-04:00

The past couple of days, I've been having the postgraduate blues. I worked my entire life to prepare myself for the "real world," built a nice resume of work experience and academic achievements that probably dove into a shredder half of the places it went.

Now I'm back on the bottom with no predictable timetable, no light at the end of the tunnel. I am not a college student, but society doesn't see me as or treat me like an adult. My work treats me well, even if I juggle everyone else's scrap work with my own. It's just lonely being the only "young'un" here. Keep in mind, I do understand that everyone has to go through this.

Am I where I should be, or at least on track to fulfilling my dreams? Let's see, I've dreamed of being a marine biologist, a geneticist, an English teacher, a famous writer, a physical therapist. All of those things can still be mine, but when I try something, when I choose a particular path and feel like God is leading me there, it always dead-ends or takes a turn that's too sharp for me to follow.

I do have one very realistic dream. I want to start a magazine for young women. Girls who are in my position right now, whether they are in school or out of school. Anyone who wants to feel they are not alone in wondering if they're growing up the right way. The magazine will have different sections: fashion tips, cooking advice, biblical devotionals, a place for readers to express themselves through art/poetry/fiction, health challenges, columns about current events, advice about lots of things girls don't know about like investing and saving money and how not to get shortchanged at the mechanic's shop.

The magazine will have some kind of emphasis on being the Bride of Christ and growing into a godly woman. I want to help young women have the confidence that comes from knowing they are beautiful and prized and cared for by God.

I picture going to a cute little office with dark chocolate furniture and white accents. There are stacks of papers and photographs on the top corners of my desk, a little Mac laptop with layout spreads open in the middle. My office door is open and I can hear the girls I work with typing and laughing at the coffee bar. There's an assembly of couches and cushions in the middle of all of our offices where we have coffee, chat, read or edit, and talk about our next issues. This is a very realistic dream, as I said.

After my flop with physical therapy, after finding out that what I thought I knew I wanted wasn't what I wanted after all, I am hesitant to pursue something else. Do I go to grad school for print journalism production? Do I start freelance editing? Do I write articles and build a resume? I have writing classes -- they were my favorite in college -- I have some editing experience, but we all know what lines on a resume do for you.

I am peaceful about where I am right now. I feel like I am in the right place right now and my next step is out of my control. I know there's something more, and that God will lead us there, but it's just not time yet. What I wonder is how I can be happy with this little life I am building today and prepare for the future without living in it.

?

Perfect Day

2007-08-19T02:13:00.001-04:00

I have to share about a perfect day. Ever since JT came into my life, I've had quite a few. I don't know if you remember me mentioning this, but last week he was in L.A. on business. He flew all night last night and arrived at 8 a.m. this morning. Instead of sleeping in, I was at the airport at 8:04 to greet him. We took his bags back to his house, rested in each other's arms, and then ran errands.

Miss Angie, his electric blue Jeep, finally sold! Praise the Lord! Her new owner is from Mannford, USA, a man who's self-proclaimed "about as country as cornbread." We liked him immediately! On Monday, the sale will be finalized and a huge load will be lifted off JT's shoulders as he says goodbye to his partner in crime for about 13 years.

We went to dinner at Chili's and had chocolate pot de creme at Rick's Cafe Americain to celebrate the sale. Then we went on a walk on the trail where we had our first date. It's this little trail surrounded by trees and some of Tulsa's finest old houses. JT was really laying it on thick. I felt like a princess all night long. Date nights are the best! We're having another one tomorrow night! We're going to see Waitress, an independent movie starring Keri Russell, and to Barnes & Noble/Starbucks. I've been craving a green tea frap all summer.

Right now, I am sitting in a clean room, freshly showered, listening to Copeland and typing to my heart's content. There are no overwhelming burdens on my mind. All of this productivity has been good for me. I'm determined to keep it up, even if it means becoming slightly OCD again. My main motivation for this is October. It will be my favorite month for multiple reasons this year:

1) Family Vacation to South Padre Island. JT will be in attendance and will meet my Mexicans (my mom's huuuuge family).
2) The Tulsa Run. I've put off training for far too long! I need to up my mileage by five miles in two months. I can do it!
3) OU/Texas game. That's not really a personal goal of mine, but it will be interesting since I'm a die hard Texas fan and JT's a die hard OU fan. He was in their marching band and lived in the stadium. He has me beat. Still, it will be fun and we have a little bet going.

Oh, I have a brand new haircut! From now on, my ponytails will be stylish. My hair hasn't had drastic layers since middle school, really. I have side-swept bangs now. I'm not gonna lie; it's hard getting used to hair in my face, but it will be worth it once they are trained properly. Will post pictures soon! Night!

Ponytail Syndrome

2007-08-17T10:54:00.002-04:00

Two things I have discovered while working at Key:

1) I am (still) horrible at writing titles for articles. Of course, I knew this from Newspaper Practicum, but I'm still awful!
2) AP Style is a pain. Every time I have to delete the final comma in a series, I cringe.
3) I like subjective writing much more.

JT is coming home soon and I was supposed to get a whole lot more finished. I should have read all of Captivating so we could switch. He dutifully read Wild at Heart on the BEACH when he wasn't working. (SO jealous.) I should have organized my entire room and done laundry. Didn't get done. I sacrificed ME time for OTHER PEOPLE time all week.

I felt like I didn't have the chance to stop all week, until last night, that is. I didn't do anything last night between work and when I was supposed to meet someone for coffee. But there's a difference between relaxing and not doing anything. My nothingness was NOT relaxing because I was plagued by all that I had to do. That ranks in the top ten of worst feelings, right next to lying awake when you're too hot, restless or tired to fall asleep.

Wish I could read at work. I'm not doing anything productive anyway. Maybe when everyone goes home, I'll be able to. I brought a book just in case. Depending on when JT gets into town, I am going to go to the beauty shop and buy a new dress after work. Hopefully his flight doesn't get in until 10ish so I'll actually have time to do that. I'm excited about getting rid of this Ponytail Syndrome once and for all!

Todd Packer

2007-08-16T12:02:00.000-04:00

A man just called my office, asking for my boss:

Man: "Yes...may I speak to...(pauses, as if checking paper) Boss?"
LB: "Sure, may I tell him who's calling?"
Man: "This is Bill from the STD Center. He called our center for Sexually Transmitted Diseases."
LB: "?. Okay, let me transfer you."

I then heard my boss laughing loudly in the background, fake-scolding his friend for tricking me. I shook my head, thinking vaguely about The Office. The Boss's wife told me about the man. His name? Andy from Special Sales.

So now I have a Phyllis and an Andy. Perhaps our Andy is more like Todd Packer.

Growing Up and other things...

2007-08-15T16:55:00.000-04:00

I've had a very productive couple of days. Last weekend was spent in Oklahoma City where I got to see ACE and other friends from college. One of my friends, we'll call her Sevans, started working at this company in OKC called Chesapeake. It's the largest independent energy supplier or something crazy like that. Anyway, they have the most amazing employee benefits package I have ever heard. First of all, they have their own workout facility that offers five different lunchtime classes like Latin Salsa Dancing, circuit training, pilates, etc. Their employees are given free stock. Sevans' is valued at $9000 right now and grows everyday. They have wonderful incentives, including bonuses for good health reports and fitness challenges. That's the way a company should be run, so if I ever have the means and resources to create an incentives package, I will do so accordingly.

Today my tooth broke. It didn't hurt, though. It was actually a popped filling, but it was enough to scare me for two reasons. 1) Are my teeth really that brittle?, and 2) I don't have health insurance right now (!!!). We'll find out more about that later, but under the gun, I checked into health insurances and found out a bunch of things. First, I was looking into a Healthcare Savings Account, which you deposit money into and it takes your premium and other medical expenses out of it. All of this is TAX DEDUCTIBLE! After talking to my dad, we're checking into COBRA, which means that I'm allowed an individual account under his company's healthcare. We'll see how they pan out, but at least I know my options!

While I deposited my check (HOORAY PAYDAY!) I also set up a meeting with a financial rep at Bank of Oklahoma to set up my ROTH and savings CDs. Keep in mind that for insurance and savings and Roth and IRA, I have no idea. I took the required Business, Economics and Society class in college, but I was too busy talking or sleeping or something. This is a completely different language for me. It makes me appreciate having parents and a boyfriend who know what they are doing and can help me. As much as I try conducting my own research, this stuff is too important to mess up just because of my pride!

Work has been going well. We've been getting a lot of media hits for our authors. My supervisor has been giving me rave reviews. I'm glad that I can help. As far as my desire to freelance edit and write, I have been given new motivation. When I first started job hunting, I mentioned a contact who owns a good Christian publishing company here. He didn't have any jobs, but referred me to a woman who runs this editing business and a ministry. She agreed to have lunch with me soon, so I am excited about that.

Looks like I am finally becoming important and busy, but I am still just little old me. I have to admit...I can't wait until JT gets back from his business trip! Two more days, hopefully!

august in pictures

2007-08-13T22:11:00.001-04:00

I sure do like him!

LJ digging in

our favorite place

my handsome man

cupcakes we baked for LJ's housewarming

Business is Business

2007-08-10T11:20:00.000-04:00

I took my first business trip yesterday. All five of us on staff at Key loaded into my boss's Expedition and we were off. Granted, it was only two hours away in Mustang, Oklahoma, but it was nice to get away.

We went to visit our biggest client, Tate Publishing, which generates some 52% of our revenue. I got to see some of the books I'm working with, including a trip to the printing plant, where I got to see books sorted, bound, and trimmed. For an avid reader and writer, it was very interesting. And apparently JT knows two people that work there, so if we ever move to the Mustang or Norman area, I might have a sweet hook-up for a job!

Probably the best part of the trip -- and this is so inappropriate -- was when the founder of the company -- a man in his sixties, or so -- interrupted the meeting to show us the book "that finally put Tate on the map." He turned it around to reveal a book written like a children's picture book yet was a complete mockery of illegal immigration by Mexicans. It was called "No Papers," if that kind of sets things up. This man in his pressed suit then proceeded to read, in full Mexican accent, the story of Papi and Nino's quest to get "across the border, illegally" and six people in business clothes around a business roundtable were crying laughing, despite how off-color it was.

It was obviously rejected, but Tate is still going to print it for the author, just have no official affiliation. The author is apparently a rich, educated businessman who wrote it simply to make a statement. I want to get him a publicity package so I can try to get him on the Colbert Report or Jay Leno or something. They'd like something like that! Hey, I am Mexican myself and I was laughing!

"Papi and Nino lived in prosperity -- across the border -- illegally." That is what I will think of every time.

I'm taking a mini-weekend away! Just to Oklahoma City. One of my BFFs is going back to school in Chicago, so I'm going to stay with her before she leaves me again.

But for now, I am the only one in the office. Three of the employees are family, and they took a trip to Branson. The other works from home on Fridays. I asked if I could work from home, but no dice. So I brought some books and fun things to keep myself entertained, but when I got to the office, I had an e-mail waiting for me with a list of tasks to complete.

Ughhh.

I hate scheduling book signings. They are one girl's responsibility, but she has been so backed up that I've had to do some of them. Everyone says the bookstore staff is used to people calling to pimp books, but I don't like it one bit. People are generally cordial, but I've never had a successful call. It's just unpleasant to call a Borders or Barnes and Noble, tell them about a Christian book that a local author wrote, and try to get their support for it.

Oh well. I shall press on.

Time

2007-08-06T17:35:00.000-04:00

My life is now in sync. JT bought this little planner for me and I just want to eat it up. For anyone who knew me in college, I had two color-coded planners and a tiny steno notebook that charted every obligation in a given day and the amount of time allotted to fulfill said task. Generally, a nap, an outing with friends, or some other spontaneous occurrence would interrupt schedule, and I scarcely got everything accomplished.

Looking back, I think I created a written semblance of order solely for the purpose of breaking it. The most fun I had happened when I was supposed to be studying, after all. Playing in the rain, driving across the state, laughing so hard I couldn't breathe with some friends in a coffee shop, or racing across town at 11:00 p.m. for a movie that started in twenty minutes. Those were the best times. Basically, while I spread my tasks across a sixteen-hour budget, I had entire days of leisure and completed some of my best work when rushed through a scrunched time frame.

By senior year, I knew better; I graduated to schedules like this: So while my work schedule and current obligations aren't enough to afford me the bliss of color-coding and obsessive-compulsive scribbling, I will treasure routine-breaking any day! I will live for the moments when pajamas and ice cream sundaes and old movies win!

August and the Macarena

2007-08-01T00:51:00.002-04:00

Is it bad that I am so nostalgic and slightly number-obsessed that I stayed awake solely for the purpose of being alive and coherent when the month changed? I miss doing math. I got to do a little bit at my old job.

I don't know if you've been keeping up with Project LGN, but I am about to kick off the second leg of the weight loss journey. I somehow managed to lose 10 lbs since JT broke his ankle, so it'll be interesting!

Well, while I'm starving and chocolate-deprived, here's a little something to make you lose your appetite. No, seriously. I love this picture. My roommate is a wonderful photographer. (But it helps that I'm totally crazy about him!)

Fun story: After deciding we weren't going to see each other today, a bad dentist appointment for JT and a rough day at work for me changed our minds as we chatted on gmail chat from our respective workplaces. I offered to go to his house after running errands on his side of town, but that didn't happen, so I told him there was dinner at my house for him and I could bring it if he wanted me to. He texts me:

JT: "I'm on my way home."
LB: "What do you want me to do?"
JT: "I want you to do the macarena."
(he calls)
JT: "It would be a waste of gas for you to drive to my house since you didn't run errands."
LB: "Well, there's food here for you, but you don't want to come all the way over here."
JT: "I'm tired, I didn't sleep well, and my mouth hurts, so I think it'd be best if I just go home."

We drop it and talk about the gamut of things, when all of the sudden, he says, "Are you ready to do the Macarena?" The doorbell rings, and he's there. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it when he does stuff like that!

We've been watching Shaq's Big Challenge. Tonight was the season finale. Somehow, some way, I did not cry. I came awfully close, though. There's this kid on the show, and in the first episode he became my favorite because he said, "No one's ever cared about my health before." His parents didn't come with him to his consultations, either. I thought about who he reminds me of. A kid I went to high school with, around six and a half feet tall and upwards of 400 lbs. He was bitter and hateful toward everyone. I remember him cussing me out on his TI-83 in the tenth grade, but we kind of became friends right before we graduated.

Just.Love.People. Even if they're fat/skinny/tall/short/knock-kneed/ambidextrous/tone-deaf/talented!

It's officially August. My first August that won't include school supply shopping. That's kind of depressing... I guess I had a lot to write about tonight!

Family Church

2007-07-31T09:27:00.001-04:00

The announcements guy at church announced a new series as follows:

"For the next six weeks, Pastor Brett will be speaking about

.... SEX ....."

*cue video*

Horrors

2007-07-30T18:21:00.000-04:00

Monday + morning = disaster.

Today's Monday morning lasted all through the afternoon and shows no sign of letting up to this very minute (5:24 p.m.). I was swamped. The phone and fax were ringing off the hook, every project I started was interrupted, and I didn't have time to break for lunch. Do not worry; I ate, but it wasn't until 3 in the afternoon. The three hours past normal lunch break were excruciating. JT was unsympathetic. I told him I hoped his physical therapist tortured him today, but I was half kidding.

I was so emaciated that my purity ring somehow managed to slide off my finger. HORRORS! What are people going to think? No, it is probably lost in the swamp I sometimes like to call desk. It's kind of a good feeling, though, seriously. Not to know that my finger was once that size, but to know that I've worked hard for those thirty pounds. I may not be able to tell the difference in the mirror, but my missing ring tells the tale beautifully.

Oh, I got paid.

Ummmm...

the end.

Double Wham

2007-07-27T09:59:00.001-04:00

Ugh...it's not even 9 a.m. yet and I'm already having a bad day at work. I sent out a press release about an author using the wrong title for his book. It was wrong on the book signing communique I received from another girl in our office. I feel bad because it was already sent out, the author will be offended that we didn't get the title right, but I also want to blame it on the person who got it wrong to begin with. Still, I should have taken the extra time to open his file and double check the title. At least now I know not to trust the people who have been working here longer than I have.

::edit:: I explained the situation to my boss and her wrath is now
directed to the person who sent me the false communique. My day is saved! Plus,
I got to go out to lunch with the boyfriend. He called and said he was coming to
see me up here on the 48th floor. He, and the Honey Bunny sandwich from the Ripe
Tomato, for that matter, are wonderful!

Potter

2007-07-26T16:19:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile since I posted and the end of an era has since occurred. As of Sunday morning, July 22, around 5:45 a.m., I will never read another fresh page of Harry Potter again. All I'll say is: the series was good to me and couldn't have ended on a different note. There are things I would have done differently, but in the end, I knew that's the way they had to unfold. Part of me hopes she'll pick up her pen for the story of Harry's parents or the new generation of Hogwarts students that was briefly hinted in the epilogue. (Now you know that someone lived and procreated, but my lips are sealed about the rest!)

In other news, my second week at my new job is nearly complete. I'm getting the hang of things slowly but surely, and have only made one not-so-dire error that was fixed and only scarred my pride. It will be even better when I get my first paycheck! Is it bad that I'm not entirely sure when that will be or how that system works?

I need to find editing work.

Laughter

2007-07-18T02:18:00.001-04:00

Laughter
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

Very ornery, this one. I am obviously enjoying whatever he was saying, though.

Old Highway

2007-07-18T01:48:00.001-04:00

Old Highway
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

One of my favorite scenery pics I took.

Bridge

2007-07-18T01:47:00.001-04:00

Bridge
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

This was the only "successful" one out of several takes. We kept falling off the rocks.

Classic Chaco Picture

2007-07-18T01:42:00.001-04:00

Classic Chaco Picture
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

Gotta love it.

Oneonta Gorge

2007-07-18T01:30:00.001-04:00

Oneonta Gorge
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

In front of the waterfall.

Mount Hood

2007-07-18T01:29:00.003-04:00

Mount Hood
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

"And all creation will bow at His feet"

Beautiful Roommate

2007-07-18T01:29:00.001-04:00

Beautiful Roommate
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

My favorite seven-foot Frenchwoman in front of Mt. Hood.

Wild

2007-07-18T01:26:00.001-04:00

Wild
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

My wild man hiked with a broken ankle. He's such a stud!

Perfect Sunset

2007-07-18T01:25:00.001-04:00

Perfect Sunset
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

JT took this near the end of the trip. The sunsets there were mesmerizing!

A Story in Three Acts

2007-07-17T16:59:00.001-04:00

1) I just returned to Oklahoma from a much-needed vacation to Oregon. I got to stay with my lovely roommate from college and her hubby. It was absolutely gorgeous! We hiked this waterfall, hung out in this quaint little wind surfing town, ate at a German restaurant, and visited the world's largest bookstore. Having my beau there made it all the more wonderful. I swear I am getting more crazy about him every day! For my mother's sake I will clarify that we did not "shack up" during this visit; rather, we stayed in a real parsonage with real pastors. You'll see pictures within the next couple of days of the whole visit.

Air travel was another adventure in itself. (You can read about my last trip to Portland here.) We were flying standby and didn't have a single problem the way there. On the four-hour flight to Dallas, JT gave me his seat but ended up on the flight anyway. He did not have the same luck on the Dallas to Tulsa flight. And so my heart broke as he gave up his seat for me and I left him in Dallas at eleven o-clock with a dead phone, a dead iPod, and a broken ankle. What a good man.

2) The story takes a different tangent now. I was upset because the one time I leave Oklahoma, my grandparents (the Mexicans who live 14 hours away) announced they were coming to visit with two hours' notice. We quickly tried to figure out a way for them to meet my boyfriend because it's rare that they come into town since my grandma had a stroke last year. Since he sacrificed his seat for me, that dashed all hope. As I picked up our baggage, still feeling horrible for leaving him, he calls me from a strange cell phone revealing he was renting a car with a fellow stranded passenger who was around his age. They would pick up their luggage at my house when they arrived in Tulsa four hours later. I must have been quite a sight dragging three heavy, heavy suitcases to the airport parking garage. It was almost one-thirty when I finally got home, put their suitcases on the doorstep and tried to get things in order for my first day at work the next morning.

It took about an hour to clean up a shattered root beer bottle (we brought back his favorite, which Oklahoma doesn't stock: so typical) and the strawberry jam we bought for my parents (which conveniently ruined my clothes). Around 3:30, my mom wakes up the entire household, including my grandparents. It was the first time I'd seen them this year, so hugs and kisses were in order, despite the hour. Then, when my mom finally turned off the lights at 4:00 in the morning, who should she see but JT and the passenger on the front door step. So at 4:00 in the morning, fate intervened and allowed an important meeting to occur!

3) My first day on the job is almost over. While I still don't have a good feel for my work yet, I am optimistic that things will work out as they always do. The people I work with are great! It's about a five-minute drive from my house and I don't have to be to work until 9 AND I still get an hour lunch break, so I am definitely a happy camper! It's a salary position so no more time sheets! Hooray! I have my own office with my own nameplate already. There's a free running track up here and workout center, as well. I'm VERY excited about that.

Be prepared for pictures so beautiful you won't know what to do with yourself.

Rearview Sunset

2007-07-11T16:59:00.003-04:00

Rearview Sunset
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

There is beauty. Even in Oklahoma.

Harry Potter Premier

2007-07-11T16:59:00.001-04:00

Harry Potter Premier
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

We made these Dumbledore's Army t-shirts and lots of people stopped us to take pictures of us and our shirts. We were famous!

Yessssssssss

2007-07-11T16:57:00.001-04:00

Yessssssssss
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

The Order of the Phoenix movie is finally here!

Real Life

2007-07-11T16:37:00.001-04:00

As usual, life has been crazy. My last day at The Tank came and went, and I start at Key on Tuesday. It's been nice having this week off, but I've found plenty of things to keep me busy. The premier of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was this past midnight and superb! Tonight is Spamalot with JT and his family. I have to put together a fantastic outfit and hairstyle in the next two hours.

Update on JT:

We went to the orthopedic surgeon today and had a great appointment. They took another x-ray and found a bunch of tiny fractures and some old calcification. "Your ankle is interesting," the doc said.

"So here's the question I'm sure you hate hearing," said JT. "When can I play soccer?"

The doctor LAUGHED at him. "Well, if you were being paid to play, we would have a lot shorter timetable, but I'm not too anxious to get you onto a field where guys will try to take out your legs."

He ordered six weeks of physical therapy, which JT was thrilled about. He's all about rehab. And he gets to graduate to a smaller brace little by little. We're leaving for Oregon to stay with my old roommate and her family and he's excited that he can be a little more mobile. Look for those great pics to come!

SO cute!

2007-07-05T23:12:00.001-04:00

Wii love it!

2007-07-01T02:54:00.001-04:00

Wii love it!
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

My brother loaned JT his Wii so he could have something fun and competitive to do while he's laid up. It's fun to watch. He's made "Mr. Miagi" a tennis pro already. And he can still R.I.C.E while he's playing.

Lateral Ankle

2007-06-30T11:55:00.001-04:00

Lateral Ankle
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

Believe it or not, this is about 1/2 the size of what it was on Monday and Tuesday!

The Switch

2007-06-25T13:30:00.001-04:00

Beginning of the week news:

1) I quit my job at The Tank.
2) I accepted the job with Key.
3) JT blew out his ankle in his soccer game and I almost broke.
4) It has been wonderful getting to take care of him. Don't get me wrong, it's hard to see him hurting, but I very much appreciate that he lets me take care of him.

I'm at work for Day One of my two-week notice. It's not hostile. I just stay plugged into my headphones and no one really pays me any mind. Things have been busy, busy, busy. I realized, last Friday when I quit, that this job makes me brain-dead. The switch was for the best.

Irony

2007-06-21T19:27:00.000-04:00

I was just telling JT how ironic my life has been since I graduated. Case in point, the second I graduate, my alma mater is hiring a middle school English and part-time Spanish teacher. After I'd decided I didn't want to be a teacher. The second I got a job, I had another offer after no bites for months.

Well I interviewed with that marketing firm that works for Christian publishing houses and individual authors. I'd be writing press releases, contacting media from across the nation, and really liked the people. Plus, it's minutes away from my house! They offered me the job, and I was so excited. This glimpse made me realize how mundane and predictable my current job is. It's basically a glorified paper-pushing, data entry position.

My heart fell when I realized that since they're so small they don't have benefits and I'd be taking a pay cut in salary. They offered me a salary that was "we don't care about your college degree" low. Granted, it would only be $3,000 less than I am currently making, but still! My dad convinced me to write back and refuse unless they raised their offer $5000. I wasn't optimistic, though, especially when he didn't e-mail me all day.

So I went back to work at the Tank today and convinced myself to like the job. I was really productive and sort of got a thrill from my system of organization I have learned to develop. We had a baby shower for one of the engineering secretaries, and everyone was so funny. I was thinking how glad I was that I didn't have to quit when I was finally working well on my own. Everyone was so patient with me and welcoming. It was nice.

When I got home from work, there was an e-mail waiting for me. The marketing firm met my request:

We would be thrilled to have you on board with our company and exploring and developing the world of Publicity with us… And I hope that we could be a company that you could plug into and use your God given talents to fulfill your desires and dreams of becoming a world renowned publicist.

With that in mind we would like to extend an employment offer to you of $XXXXX a year… There will be a 90 day evaluation period, to evaluate your work flow and quality of work at that point. We feel confident in your abilities to help take us to the next level.

Thanks again for your excitement and dedication.

If you could please let me know the date you would like to start, we will make sure we are ready.

Thanks again
God Bless!

I am nervous to say the least. Do I really want to be a world-renowned publicist? I am having doubts, like I always do when something so final happens. Is $3000 more a year worth risking it with a young company that has big aspirations? We're talking a company of maybe 4 or 5 people. I'd be in a Christian atmosphere, which would be nice. I'd still be making a teacher's salary, but it would be a little more. They said I'd have a lot of independence. I am basically going to have to learn how to be a publicist on my own, get my own contacts, and figure it out on my own.

Please, if you're out there, help me make some sense out of this!

Ragamuffin Gospel, part 2

2007-06-17T13:54:00.001-04:00

Chapter 4-6 Quotes:

"The blood of the Lamb points to the truth of grace: what we cannot do for ourselves, God has done for us. On the cross, somehow, some way, Christ bore our sins, took our place, died for us."

"The foremost characteristic of living by grace is trust in the redeeming work of Jesus Christ."

"In love there can be no fear, for fear is driven out by perfect love. Fear has to do with punishment and anyone who is afraid is still imperfect in love" (I John 4:18).

"The gospel of grace calls us to sing of the everyday mystery of intimacy with God instead of always seeking for miracles or visions. It calls us to sing of the spiritual roots of such commonplace experiences as falling in love, telling the truth, raising a child, teaching a class, forgiving each other after we have hurt each other, standing together in the bad weather of life, of surprise and sexuality, and the radiance of existence."

"Our world is saturated with grace, and the lurking presence of God is revealed not only in spirit but in matter -- in a deer leaping across a meadow, in the flight of an eagle, in fire and water, in a rainbow after a summer storm, in a gentle doe streaking through a forest, in Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, in a child licking a chocolate ice cream cone, in a woman with windblown hair. God intended for us to discover his loving presence in the world around us."

"Human love will always be a faint shadow of God's love. Not because it is too sugary or sentimental but simply because it can never compare from whence it comes. Human love with all its passion and emotion is a thin echo of the passion/emotion love of Yahweh."

"These sinners...are the people who appreciate His goodness: they are parading into the kingdom before you: for they have what you lack -- a deep gratitude for God's love and deep wonder at His mercy."

"Grace tells us that we are accepted just as we are. We may not be the kind of people we want to be, we may be a long way from our goals, we may have more failures than achievements, we may not be wealthy or powerful or spiritual, we may not even be happy, but we are nonetheless accepted by God, held in his hands. Such is his promise to us in Jesus Christ, a promise we can trust."

"When Jesus said, 'Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy burdened...' Jesus knew that following Him was as unsentimental as duty, as demanding as love. He knew that physical pain, the loss of loved ones, failure, loneliness, rejection, abandonment, and betrayal would sap our spirits; that the day would come when faith would no longer offer any drive, reassurance or comfort; that prayer would lack any sense of reality or progress; that we would echo the cry of Teresa of Avila: 'Lord, if this is the way you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few!'"

"Just as the sunrise of faith requires the sunset of our former unbelief, so the dawn of trust requires letting go of out craving spiritual consolations and tangible reassurances...when the craving for reassurances is stifled, trust happens."

"Yes, we feel guilt over sins, but healthy guilt is one which acknowledges the wrong done and feels remorse, but then is free to embrace the forgiveness that has been offered. Healthy guilt focuses on the realization that all has been forgiven, the wrong has been redeemed."

"A sad Christian is a phony Christian and a guilty Christian is no Christian at all." -- Joe Reia

"More pleasing to me than all your prayers, works, and penances is that you would believe I love you" -- the word of the Lord to Marjory Kempe.

"Only love empowers the leap in trust, the courage to risk everything on Jesus, the readiness to move into the darkness guided only by a pillar of fire. Trust clings to the belief that whatever happens in our lives is designed to teach us holiness."

"Abba I abandon myself into your hands. Do with me what you will. Whatever you may do, I thank you. I am ready for all: I accept all. Let your will be done in me and in all your creatures. I wish no more than this, O Lord. Into your hands I commend my spirit. I offer it to you with all the love of my heart, for I love you, Lord, and I give myself, surrender myself into your hands without reserve, with boundless confidence, for you are my Father." -- Charles Foucauld

"Quite simply, our deep gratitude for Jesus Christ is manifested neither in being chaste, honest, sober and respectable, nor in church-going, Bible-toting and Psalm-singing, but in our deep and delicate respect for one another."

"To evangelize a person is to say to him or her: you, too, are loved by God in the Lord Jesus. And not only to say it but to really think it and relate it to the man or woman so they can sense it. This is what it means to announce the Good News. But that becomes possible only by offering the person your friendship; a friendship that is real, unselfish, without condescension, full of confidence, and profound esteem."

My Birthday Boy

2007-06-13T11:19:00.001-04:00

LaurYef
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

This is part of the card I made him for his birthday on Monday. It's the first drawing I have ever made and looked better in pencil, so I took the grainy colored pencil, scanned it, and did the watercolor filter on photoshop. Voila!

I LOVE IT! He loved it, too. He said it was the best card he'd ever received as part of the best birthday he'd ever had. I took him to Riverwalk and we ate sushi at this amazing Japanese restaurant and went to his fav coffee shop, Shades of Brown.

It meant a lot to me that his birthday went well because that was the first time I've ever dated a guy on his birthday! We'll see if my first time to have a man on my birthday will be as good ahahaha!

The Tank

2007-06-07T19:11:00.000-04:00

My first week of work at the Tank is almost over. It's had its ups and downs, but mostly high points.

-Sitting in a cubicle all day has already wreaked havoc on my back and hips and legs.
+When I get home, I am home and can do whatever I want!
+I get 100 dollars for every day I am there!
-I get 100 dollars for every day I am there.
+The system is coming to me relatively easy!
-I've gotten lost in Sand Springs, Prattville, and Berryhill twice already and almost didn't make it back on time at the end of my lunch break. See map below.
+The people are super nice. My supervisor is probably three or four years older than me. Her husband's an engineer like my boyfriend! (Thought that was cool.)
-My eyes and wrists are suffering the detriments of staring and typing at a screen for long increments of time.
+/- The reports discourage my comma-happy ways, encourage the passive voice (SINNNNNN to an English major), but they allow me to exercise my brain by dealing with numbers. I like that!

All that to say, my self-fulfilling prophecy came true. I have a job interview at lunchtime on Monday, and I'm torn. This is another job that found me. It's a marketing/advertising place for Christian publishing companies. I'd be a publicist, but I don't know what that entails. If it's telemarketing or butt-kissing, I'm not doing it. Still, the job's located about a mile from my house so I wouldn't have to make this drive everyday! And it will probably be better pay. And I'd probably gain a lot of good contacts in the publishing industry, which would be a major bonus. If I'm not going to be a technical writer for the rest of my life, the job I have now is basically pointless save a couple of zeros and keeping me out of my parents' hair for nine hours a day. We'll see. I don't know how many times I've typed that in the past year, but still, we'll see.

Working Girl

2007-06-05T07:44:00.000-04:00

The first day of work went well. I am learning their database and system right now. It's quite intricate. I have a cute little cubicle (well, a cubicle that could potentially become cute) and work with two girls that aren't much older than I am and a bunch of cute old Engineer-types.

The atmosphere is very relaxed there. People laugh. Imagine that! One girl was wearing khaki capris and the other was wearing a spring skirt. Two people were listening to their iPods as they worked. Once I get in the swing of things, I could do that! There were so many times I wished I could do that at my last desk job!

I can definitely see where JT is coming from: after work, all I wanted to do was stretch or go running or something. Sitting down can be quite taxing, but I got to do a little walking and spent part of my break in the sunshine. There's an entire hour of lunch break. I am thinking about just taking thirty and leaving thirty minutes early instead. Or coming thirty minutes late. I'll definitely have to get used to waking up at 6:36!

Well, I should probably get ready for my second day at the Tank. So far, two thumbs up!

I am blessed

2007-06-03T16:33:00.001-04:00

jefrysoccer
Originally uploaded by LaurieatSNU.

Here's my handsome, handsome man at his soccer game! He plays at SoccerCity, and I actually took this picture through the NHL-style glass they have. YEAH! It's a lot nicer than any indoor place I've ever seen!

Another blessing: I start my job tomorrow. It hasn't sunk it yet. I think I am bracing myself for another failure. Like tomorrow I'll arrive at 8:00 and they'll tell me to go home. It was all a miscommunication. They don't want me. I'm also worried that a better job will open up tomorrow, and I won't be around to find out about it! Or I'll feel too guilty to quit this one for better work and pay.

But just like having a college degree isn't some magic passageway to adulthood, neither is having a job. All of my problems aren't solved just because of this. I need to continue to grow in every aspect of my life and make sure that I am not just living from clock-in to clock-out to clock-in again. That was a real problem with my last full-time, big girl job last summer.

Goal 1: Find freelance editing and writing work for extra money.
Goal 2: Start running regularly in the evenings.

So now, that journey begins!

the day I've been waiting for!

2007-06-01T18:40:00.001-04:00

Oh, you know. I got the job.
No big. I start Monday.

OH MY GOODNESS!

A bite.

2007-05-30T11:15:00.000-04:00

Lots has happened since I last posted:

1) We went on a fishing trip in Arkansas. I'll post pictures when my computer gets fixed.
2) In the middle of the trip, I got strep throat. Again. Not as bad this time. I started antibiotics almost right away and things have progressed quickly. Thank God!
3) Speaking of Him, God did not give me a job by the end of last week. But I pressed on and said, "Okay, God, I confirm in faith that You'll give me a job by the end of this week." On Monday, as we drove back from the fishing trip, I realized that I had no prospects to speak of. Every company I have applied for has shunned me. They don't realize what they are missing out on, I maintain! But yesterday, Tuesday, I got a phone call. A lady had found me on the Tulsa Community College website. I've taken two classes there, and posted it before I graduated! And God said, "How about I give you a job by the middle of the week?"

It's not official, so I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, but let me tell you a little about the company. It's a technical writing job at a tank engineering company that goes and inspects big companies' tanks across the country for corrosion and whatnot. I will be the girl who reads their chicken scratch field reports and translates them into workable, coherent presentations for the big companies to understand so they can fix their tanks and take action. Essentially, there's a system to be learned, but it'll be different everyday. It's low-stress. It stays at work. I get to learn AutoCAD. This company is small, intimate, and laid-back. And flexible. Perfect. The pay is poorer than dirt, but it's a paycheck, and for that I am eternally grateful. Benefits are decent. This will be excellent experience for the technical writing field, so that maybe when I've worked here a couple of years, I can get a job at a bigger company and get paid bank.

The lady said, "Send your references to me this afternoon, because we want things to get moving by Monday." That's music to my ears! Keep your fingers crossed!

The Ragamuffin Gospel

2007-05-24T14:28:00.000-04:00

Today I decided to read through my favorite book, The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. It focuses on salvation as something humans cannot attain, but as a free gift from God through His grace alone and denied to no one, not even the ragamuffins, or the "poor in spirit;" those who have nothing significant to their names but the grace of God. Here are my favorite quotes from the first three chapters:

"When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspiscious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer" (26).

"...we have been given so much: eyes to see and hands to touch, a mind to shape ideas, and a heart to beat with love. We have the power to believe where others deny, to hope where others despair, to love where others hurt. This and so much more is sheer gift; it is not reward for our faithfulness, our generous disposition, or our heroic life of prayer. Even our fidelity is a gift"
(27).

"In essence, there is only one thing God asks of us -- that we be men and women of prayer, people who live close to God, people for whom God is everything and for whom God is enough. That is the root of peace. We have that peace when the gracious God is all we seek. When we start seeking something besides Him, we lose it" (46).

"The gospel portrait of Jesus is that of a person who cherished life and especially other people as loving gifts from the Father's hand" (61).

"Perhaps the real dichotomy in the Christian community today is not between conservatives and liberals or creationists and evolutionists but between the awake and the asleep" (70).

II Corinthians 12:9 - "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

This could all be over soon...

2007-05-22T14:12:00.000-04:00

I have been praying specifically to have a job by the end of this week.

Here's to faith and trust and thanksgiving!

::edit::

I stumbled across an old friend's blog. After he graduated a year ago, he became a full-time sailor and has seen a crazy amount of blue map since I've last seen him. On leaving the British Virgin Islands:

"Always a good place to be in life: loving where I am, and loving where I am going. Hopefully I can keep it up." - Ben

That is my aspiration.

Better than nothing!

2007-05-17T15:45:00.000-04:00

Ughh...I haven't been good at taking it one day at a time. You'd think that being unemployed and not in school that my life would be so easy, but I am stressed out pretty much all the time between looking for a job and doing all of the things my parents want me to do. Since 11:00 this morning, I have been driving my mom all across town on her errands. They're redoing their entire kitchen, adding on a pantry, and redoing the entire backyard, so things around here haven't exactly been peace and quiet.

Also, I told someone I would sing in a two-night dinner party at my old church this weekend, and two songs I picked didn't work out, so I spent most of yesterday looking for music to no avail. Luckily, my best friend who majored in music is going to take my spot. My cousin just called and said I could get to South Texas roundtrip for $50 this weekend. I've wanted to take my mom down there since I graduated so she can see her family. My grandma had a stroke a year ago, so she hasn't felt up to traveling, and it will be good to see her since it only happens once a year! I feel bad that I made this commitment and feel like I'm letting people down, but I feel much better now that I don't have to worry about singing in front of people I don't know very well, but aren't total strangers.

Today I got a phone call from a company called Robert Half Technology. I'd applied for a technical writing position that paid $25-$30 an hour, but he said that position was filled on Tuesday. He did, however, tell me he'd put me on his contract-to-hire list and let me know if any company needed me to do contract work because lots of jobs had been opening up. So that's kind of bittersweet news. I'm also working on a manuscript for a pastor, so that's a little bit of money to work with! Better than nothing!

More on jobs

2007-05-16T02:37:00.001-04:00

JT and I went to a party tonight. He coaches a 16 and under soccer team. They are wonderful boys and love him a lot. They all signed this really fancy soccer ball for him and got him a gift certificate. Yeah, he got thrown in the pool, but it took all sixteen of them to do it. He's the cool coach now, I told him. (The other coach is his best friend.)

My best friend came over and we cleaned my entire room and closet. It's a wonderful feeling. I had all of my college stuff cluttered around, collecting dust on my countertops, containers and plastic drawer sets EVERYWHERE. Somehow she found a space for everything and I feel so liberated! You don't understand, for as unmotivated as I was about cleaning it, having a messy room was so debilitating. It really didn't feel like home, but it's getting there!

Well, I'm still jobless. I can't help but wonder if that's because I'm applying 2390829 place instead of focusing on one. But how can I focus on one if I don't even know what I want to do? Here's the deal: I love learning how to do new things. I love seeing changes and improvements in myself. But what matters most to me and how I feel most fulfilled is serving and benefiting other people. There has to be a job out there that's perfect for my skills and still does those things!

One of my dream jobs is to start a magazine that focuses on older adolescent girls and gives them the kind of support and advice and encouragement that most girls don't have when they are on the brink of womanhood. This could also be accomplished through writing novels about that demographic! My second dream job would involve opening a business, a corner bakery or coffee shop, perhaps. Something where I am exposed to a regular trickle of customers in whom I can invest my time and talents. I want to serve Lisa from Lubbock who likes hazelnut mocha coffees and blueberry scones. I want to learn about her OCD and how she's repainted her living room three times because of her quirks. Both of those aren't options right now. Until then, I just need a job that pays my bills and won't drive me crazy.

I am editing a manuscript for a friend of a friend, so that's $50 and some valuable experience. My dad thinks it will lead to a permanent job. He's been right before, so keep your fingers crossed! Regardless, I'm just tickled pink that I have some kind of employment. It's exciting!

Wonderful Advice

2007-05-13T20:54:00.000-04:00

"Don't worry about forever. Are you planning on loving him tomorrow? And the next day? Then make that decision daily. Renew that covenant relationship daily." -- Advice given to Becky Beals on her wedding day.

We'll See.

2007-05-10T09:28:00.001-04:00

Well, those loser drug reps didn't give me the job. I didn't get called in for a third interview, but at least I made it to the second screening, right? I don't know what to do anymore. Vanguard was my last lead, but I think I messed up my chances with that one. My life is one big We'll See right now.

I sent off three e-mails this morning to the University of Tulsa Law School, the Tulsa World, and my pastor to see if he could keep his eye open for me. Yes, I look desperate. Yes, I am. No, I am not afraid to admit it. Honesty is the best policy. Things are becoming more and more strained at home.

I'm going to see my class graduate from college on Saturday. I'm so proud of them! I can't help but wonder how much different my life would have been if I'd have graduated on time with them. Would I have decided to go to grad school after all? Would I have taken a job in OKC? Would I have totally gone crazy right now? You know, I wouldn't trade anything or do anything differently. Plus, I wouldn't have gotten close to JT, and we all know I'm better off for that.

Granted, I know that if I could go back to my senior year of high school when my brain capacity was fresh, I still don't know what I would have picked to study. If I had the knowledge I do now, I'd have probably picked something public relations/business-oriented, science or math-related, or I would have stuck with journalism. But I can't imagine going through university without forming the relationships I made with my friends in my major, my professors, and those dad gummed authors we English types like to call our "Dead White Males". That, to me, is worth not knowing what I'm going to do with my life.

Okay, enough of the solemn talk. I'm going to go eat my cereal!

protected

2007-05-09T01:02:00.001-04:00

LB: "Will you protect me?"
JT: "Oh, from Vomitor?"
LB: "Who's Vomitor?"
JT: "From Harry Potter?"
LB: "Oh, Voldemort!"

Torn

2007-05-08T12:24:00.000-04:00

Since I last posted, I've had two interviews, and I'm a bit torn. Both of them went very well, if I do say so myself. The first one was for a business writing job, and the second was for a pharmaceutical sales position. So it essentially boils down to predictable, safe desk job -OR- do I want to drive anywhere from Stillwater to Vinita to McAlester and sell pills? I guess the decision will be made for me based on whether I get the job or not.

It's a tough business, not knowing one's destiny in life. Maybe I'll have an answer for right now within the next couple of days!

Sweet dreams are made of these...

2007-05-03T01:20:00.001-04:00

I got another job interview! It's Friday at 11:00. This one's a sales writing position with a pretty big company in Tulsa. Here's the description:

Sales Coordinator - Sales Communication Writer
Summary: Respond to Request for Proposal (RFP) and Request for Information (RFI) from potential and current clients. Write and maintain company and industry information. Edit information from other sources to create a clear and concise message. Maintain Sales Intranet Site which is a repository of the above information.

Responsibilities:
Manage RFP/RFI projects using fundamentals of project management:
o Create and execute project work plans and revise as appropriate to meet changing needs and requirements o Identify resources needed and assign individual responsibilities o Create and manage expectations o Manage day-to-day project tasks and scope o Keep all team members and management apprised of project status o Review or submit for review deliverables prepared by team o Ensure deadlines are met, expectations exceeded o Ensure all items relating to project are correct and complete o Archive project documents appropriately
Create engaging, informative, well-organized presentations
Create and modify web pages for the Sales Intranet Site
Convey our corporate message for both written and verbal discussions
Maintain the integrity of the information contained within the Sales Intranet Site
Assist and comply with defining and determining standard policies and procedures.
Resolve and/or escalate issues in a timely manner
Communicate difficult and sensitive information appropriately
• Facilitate meetings when requiredRequirementsQualifications
Bachelor degree in English, Journalism or related field.
2+ years of experience handling similar responsibilities to include web management.
Advanced knowledge of Microsoft Office; Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Outlook, Access and FrontPage or other web editing program required.
Ability to work efficiently and effectively in a fast-paced environment with shifting priorities and tight deadlines.
• Must possess excellent written and verbal communication skills with ability to work comfortably with multiple levels of management.

Sounds like it would be fast-paced and involve a lot of different things. We'll see how much they're willing to fork over. It might be kind of interesting to work downtown. The drive's kind of bad, but not awful. Definitely worth 30 minutes if it means having a steady job! And who knows, maybe I'll move somewhere closer to midtown soon.

Also, I got in touch with an old acquaintance who's one of the key contributors to Radiant Magazine, which is kind of the female equivalent to Relevant Magazine. Both are wonderful for my demographic, or any Christian young adult! Anyway, she's kind of inspired me to start writing again and actually try to get it published. The writing industry is harder to get into than it looks, you know. Most writers are rejected over and over again before someone finally thinks they are worth it, and then that person proceeds to rip their writing to shreds and isn't satisfied until three drafts later (grrr).

Nevertheless, it's always been one of my biggest dreams to start a magazine for Christian girls who are in the process of shedding their tutus and tea parties for a corner office and wedding bells. The premise for my idea is based on Diana Hagee's book The Daughter of the King, but it would be a little bit different. The magazine wouldn't try to promote marriage or anything like that, but instead, it would give women practical tips for preparing themselves as the Bride of Christ. Freedom would be emphasized, both as one of the key biblical themes as well as through sharing stories, recipes, devotionals, beauty tips, and other helpful advice for a very confusing time.

Anyway, I got that vision sometime in college, but I've always understood that a person can't just jump into that kind of thing. I was talking with the Boyfriend about it tonight, and it helped me realize that that's why I haven't been decisive about a career. I know that whatever job I land is only going to be my bread-and-butter. My real fulfillment will come from writing and striding toward this ultimate vocational goal, no matter how long it takes.

Did I mention, today, that I'm pretty much crazy about a certain man?